A journey to embrace, explore, and honor the Freedom and Power inherent in active recovery.

No more shame...

No more shackles....

No more secrets.

The path--and the Power--are within. Be Free.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Many Rivers to Cross

Everyone living is doing the best they can,
or the best they know how to do.

None of us came with a rule book, and we're
all on a journey to find out exactly what path--
or, more likely, series of paths--are right for us.

'Right' being a subjective term since things
change as we grow, experience, reflect, and
face consequences.

The world is made up of a constant procession of
difficult, unenviable questions and decisions that
usually have to be made in imperfect circumstances with
insufficient input. We can hypothesize about what is
the 'best' course of action for ourselves, our loved ones,
our future, and what results the choices may bring...
but ultimately there is no knowing.

We're thankful when it works out, and we roll
with the punches and try not to be consumed
with regret when they don't.

But life is filled with conflict, confusion, grey areas,
unknowns, and super-complicated messes with no
easy, fun, or clear-cut solutions. It's all about making
the best of what you have and seeing where it all ends up!

(If you're lucky, you'll survive it to be able to learn from
any mistakes.)

But lives and people are all unique, and choices are
extremely personal. What works for one likely won't
work for another, since the number of variables between
two people is exponentially high. So applying a cookie
cutter, boxed 'fix-it' to everything isn't likely to work.

But uncertainty is very unsexy to us.

So when people start talking about absolutes, and 'either-or'
extremes of black-and-white thinking, applying a set
response to ever-changing stimuli, you can understand
why they would want to.

The idea of there being a knowable, simplified,
notion of 'right' and 'wrong' with no give inbetween, just these
fixed's appealing to folks, even if difficult.

And that's fine. But when they start making proclamations
about said absolutes, letting others know that they aren't
living or thinking 'correctly' (according to them)
 and need to do exactly what they
do in order to have things turn out right (in fact, as
'intended',) that just takes the cake.

And some want to impose that your life is at risk--
including your afterlife!--
for not following their notion?
Pfffft....Alcoholic, please.

If some need structure and order and a permanent system
in place so they feel better--so that they can better
survive this world--so be it.

But when you start passing judgment on how others cope,
or running them down for not buying in to what
you're selling, that's when it gets personal..
and that's when you open yourself up to attack.

When you lay it out in absolutes,
expect resistance.


Monday, December 17, 2012

The Power and Push of Loneliness

Loneliness is a powerful fear. It's a part of what drives every
person, and is a part of every person's life--to varying extent--
from cradle to grave.

Many suffer from it without being acutely aware, and attempt
to disperse the anxiety of loneliness with a suitcase of 'medicinal'
or situational alleviations that might even work as distraction,
for a while.

But eventually, as people die and friends depart, as we grow
older and find it less easy to connect (or hell, just even meet
new people!) we recognize that our loneliness is just a part of
the ride, like so many other things we must accept linked to the
human condition.

Fundamental loneliness is understood by cults across the globe,
and preying on it is an important aspect of indoctrinating folks
into their fold.

Typical ruse; come on strong, effusively generous, accommodating,overly interested, big smiles, empty promises. Pretenses aplenty.
Best behavior to impress and inculcate.

Once they get you connived, convinced, and regulated, attention
is relaxed and now if you want any positive recognition or strokes
you have to jump through hoops, pull your weight, and recite the
teachings ...self-regulating the dictates and indoctrinating the new
recruits. Because 'same page' thinking is the only true goal of the

Rewire. Assimilate. 'Differently educate.'
Not actually help; 'help' is only available to those who are willing to
be rewritten in their view.

In the eyes of 12 Step groups, if you aren't part of their particular
outlook, you aren't part of their circle. You're either with them or
against them. If you aren't part of their 'solution,' you don't have a

Trained animals, begging for scraps and treats. That's not how anyonewants to live, but of course, giving in is the answer they provide to
you. Before the warmth is withdrawn.


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Seen and Unseen, Echoes and Smoke

We aren't ever completely what we seem to be.
The world has far more grey than we acknowledge.

We might be misconstrued as bold because we
seem tough-as-nails.

We might appear callous because we're focused.

Others might interpret independence as disinterest.

But the people who appear to have it made--who
seem to have no trouble doing the tough stuff--
generally are just stepping into the shoes and
letting it happen.

Every single day that I get up, I feel all of the dredge
and flotsam pulling at me and tempting me, but I
make a choice as to what way I'll go and what
response I'll have. Getting up isn't easy, but I
do it. Leaving the house is agony, but I do it.
Dealing with people and all the inanities and all
the nonsense--I hate it. But I do it, and push through.

And every time it gets easier to overcome. It doesn't
disappear, but it gets easier. As I find I am more
capable than I thought I was, I recognize my strengths
and build on them. Strength, courage, ability...
they may not be innate, but that doesn't make them

I am not limited to what I see myself as capable of;
I can do what I need to.

I  am not fearless;
I choose to walk through fear.

I am not invulnerable;
I choose to endure, anyway.

I am not as strong as others;
I choose not to restrict myself with that.

I am not the most accomplished;
I choose to be content within myself.

I am not understood or accepted by most;
I choose to appreciate me.


Monday, November 12, 2012

Armageddon Tired of All This!

These days, there aren't a lot of "Eggs-or-cereal" level decisions that
are plaguing the old cerebellum.

No, everything seems pretty amped up to world-altering, mind-
shattering, status-quo-erasing elements of style and destruction.

Decisions over health care choices and surgeries, impending loss of
(and precipitating deterioration of) parents and other aging family,
poor health and finances of friends, living situation problems, loss of
transportation, conflict with lawyers and agencies, massive headaches
over finances, and so on!

Never a dull moment, right?

And the thing is, that everyone I know is being besieged with
similarly life-and-death type muy importante matters on a regular
basis. (And all the doomsday scenario worriers, all the extremist
anti-Obama fools who are buying guns and seceding from the country
and losing their minds aren't helping jack!)

It's just a really wild and crazy time to be alive right now, at least
for a good many of us. And make no mistake; money helps. Money
gives the power of choice and freedom and option a whole host of
problems that--with money's aid--become inert non-issues.

But even those with money, especially those unaccustomed to loss
and doing without, are having a tough go of it.

Making major adjustments is difficult in the best of circumstances,
but with so many areas of people's lives affected at once (as well as
so many people being affected at once,) it can create the notion that
we're out of control...that things are at an end. But we aren't.
Stressed, certainly.  Whelmed on some days. Confused, exhausted,
scared, uncertain.....but always in charge. Able to take a moment and
consider options. Capable of making choices with a more rational,
less emotional mindset. Aware of the essential life lesson that 'it can
all change in a moment.'

But we aren't being singled out. We aren't helpless. We don't have to
take the lumps and be docile. We can see things in new ways, learn to
fight back, become better equipped to handle stress.

There may never be a "making it back to the old days" and yet there

is most certainly hope and help that comes from within as we transform
and ascend, even in our darkest hour...even if all seems lost and no one
is at our side.

Everything we need is within...if only we will let it shine.

This isn't the end of certainty, complacency, and collectivism.
About damned time.


Friday, November 2, 2012

"Just Say 'NO!' "

"Keep it SIMPLE, 'Stupid!'"
(Now that's spiritual and uplifting!)

Subjugation makes better mindless minions!

Remember; loads of good comes
from believing whatever you're told
and not asking those pesky questions!

A one-track mind is definitely the answer
to a life of single-mindedness and weakness!


Monday, October 29, 2012

You Can't Cure Just a Piece of the Whole

Instead of making peace with discordant or 'undesirable'
true aspects of self (which of course every human being
has!), the 12 Steps teach suppression, avoidance, schizoid
denial, dehumanization, and shamefulness over one's own
body, mind, past, and differences.

A person at odds with themselves is forever divided,
and peace cannot be found.

Learn to love yourself and live as a fully integrated soul.

Healthiness does not have to be a chore.


Saturday, October 27, 2012

Too Much of a Good Thing

Within the human essence is a deep need to belong and have meaning;
to be a part of, to be connected, to have some thing of importance that
gives you a reason to feel good.

But when anything, even a 'good' or positive association, becomes a
fanatical obsession--something that essentially can't be survived without--
then things have gone horribly wrong.

If people choose to use charitable work, a hobby, a second job, becoming
a Big Brother/Sister, or joining a group or a church as a means of focusing
their energy somewhere, so be it.

But when the compulsivity gene that accompanies most addicts rears
its head and starts seeing the one thing as predominantly more important
than all others, it's an issue.

Anything taken to an extreme is not healthy, and becoming adamant or
engulfed in something (as a means of refuge, denial, or avoidance for
what's really going on in your life) is just another addiction taking hold;
substitution in full force.

We all need places and people and passions and pass times that offer us
a respite from the chaos and the struggle. The more the better, actually,
as you'll have a fuller portfolio of support on a rainy day, rather than a
restricted, narrow limitation on you.

Whenever we focus on a singularity as our salvation is when we are
bargaining with our future. If something outside of us controls whether
or not we're going to make it, we've given our power--and our sobriety--away.


When the 'Cure' is Worse than the 'Disease'

The act of creating an inclusive world--where those who don't fit
a certain criterion are unwelcome, condescended to, ignored,
demonized, dismissed, disowned, or otherwise ostracised for
thinking/looking/acting/believing differently--is as far from 'Recovery'
as one can get.

Yet this sort of emotional blackmail is a psychological tactic used by
12 Step programs. Whether intentional or not, whether cognizant or
not, whether advocated or not, it exists.

Affections are withheld as means of emotionally steering someone
towards the desired result for them. If the individual is expressing
actions or thoughts that don't coincide with the cult's primary purpose,
they are considered a threat and a challenge. "Wouldn't it be great to
just give in and then be a part of the fun!?!?"

No one wants to be reduced or disapproved of, but specifically
within the lonely, dejected, desperate population of people who
end up coming to 12 Step groups for camaraderie, support, and help,
the required hoop-jumping takes on an ominous tone. To withhold
food from a hungry man until he listens to your prayer is the height of
selfishness and callousness.

Some sneetches say; "Sucks to be you,"
as even long ago, Dr. Seuss knew!

So long as 'non-believers' contour their actions, conforming to the
expectations of the group think, they believe they will be rewarded
with the promised inclusion and acceptance the group has to offer.
"Wouldn't you rather have friends than be on your own? Join us!"

It's not an acceptable tactic for manipulation and mind control.
Effective, yes, but not correct or permissible. It's bullying, it's corrupt,
and it's despicable.

Psychological warfare is a pretty low means of promotion, and it speaks
volumes about the integrity of the product being pushed.


Saturday, September 29, 2012


Groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous do a
tremendous job at escalating fear towards the 'outside' world, and
promoting the false notion that people working program adhere to
a particular set of ideals.

But in truth, the real danger is not the people or situations in the
outside world,' nor those people within the group who appear to be
angry or inconsistent.

No, the biggest threat is the predator within; The wolf is not at the
door--he's fully entrenched within the innards of the 'sanctum.'

It's the one with the biggest smile who sports the greatest guile.
It's the one who tries to run it all who isn't fit to order lunch.
It's the one who tries and promotes and pushes and begs notice
    who is not at all to be trusted.

There is no cure for "Alcoholic-Acting-Addicts," or--as the real world
refers to them--complete assholes.

There is no magic potion for fakery or con-artistry or manipulation.
No prayer that erases justification and pathological lying.
No amount of meditation that will undo selfishness, ego, and disregard
   of others.
There's no placebo or drug for eradicating cruelty and sociopathy.

And just because some wish to gloss over the negatives with a bucket
   full of wishes and some high-minded 'amends' (whilest they continue
   their depravity full on) does not mean it's effective.

Watch your backs. As every horror movie aficionado knows, the
safe house is always more dangerous than going it alone in the woods!

Friday, September 28, 2012

We are...Unlimited

To my brothers and sisters in A.A. and N.A.:
When it fails to work for you, or when you can admit that it
never really did, know that you still don't need to 'go back out.' 

Lack of 12 Step attendence is in no way adversely connected to
drinking, in spite of what the brainwashing attempts.

The sentiment of sobriety is sound, even if the delivery
and premise of 12 steps are not.

Disconnect the two, and be free.


Thursday, September 20, 2012

"Did I Do That?!?!

Rampant abuse of the whole 'biological determination' theory, as a
catch-all excuse for any habit or drive we have, is undermining society.
This weakness-theory works right alongside the 'disease model' of
addiction handed down decades ago by Alcoholics Anonymous.
The idea of this scientifically-derived compellment for people not
being in control of one's choices (based on body chemistry and DNA)
is a dangerous, built-in avoidance of personal responsibility, and it's
being applied to everything from alcoholism to violence to over-eating.
It's being used to 'explain' :
-Lack of alcohol abstinence (or moderation)
-Lack of tolerance for exercise
-Lack of sexual restraint
-Lack of emotional stability
-Lack of rage inhibiting

Attaching the idea of an imprinted, in-born, 'trait' as being the
culprit behind one's actions is an easy out, a slippery slope, and a
recipe' for disaster. At the end of the day, it means anything we
want or feel strongly enough about can be excused because we
imagine we're simply "built that way." That, in the end, it really is
in charge, and it's eventual-- unavoidable-- that we will succumb
or submit.

It goes back to countless other wrong-minded issues within 12 step
programs that place all power, all will, all ability on Externals, rather
than imbuing the person themselves with power, strength, responsibility,
or capability.

It's a dangerous road to place the burden of blame--or need-- on
something or someone outside of self, but it's equally treacherous
to say we are inhabited by software that is out to destroy us. At the
end of the day, how does one compete with that self-destructive notion?


Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Seeing Past the Smoke-Screen

When I find myself in the grip of a deteriorating mood for a day...
or a week...a case of the blahs, all the way to depression,
...I have to recognize the finite nature of those feelings.

No matter how prevalent they seem in the moment.

I have to actively, aggressively step back and remind myself that
the specific time--that whelming emotion--is not the end of the world...
(nor is it indicative of my future.)

 It is a moment in time.
An aspect of life, on the spectrum of it.
A pendulum swing in an ever-cycling world of events, emotion, circumstance.

This too will fall away, give birth to another, revert to type, lessen in
intensity...but it is not the end-all, be-all that my mind and my fear make
it out to be.

We are, in any given experience, only upon a pinpoint of time.
Nothing lasts forever.

Remembering that, and achieving perspective, takes effort.
And practice. But keeping my head allows me to refrain from responding
(or reacting) in fear or discomfort. I can make conscious choices that are
not reflective of my momentary despair and frustration...and thus
avoid creating further misery.


Saturday, September 15, 2012

You Find What You Look For

Why do we use?

What drove us to drink?
What are we avoiding?
Facing these daunting and indepth questions is facing reality,
and at some point it's a necessity for recovery.
Coping with them is vital to any form of success.
A.A., with its all-or-nothing, one-stop, one- size-fits-all mentality
and expectations is harmful.
"I guess you think that's a revolving door."
"Guess we'll keep letting you back in."
"How's that working out for ya?"
"You can't make it work without this program."

Bitter jabs and persecutory, passive-aggressive attacks on people
coming to the group do real and lasting harm. Over-concentrated,
dogmatic, single-track thinking has always been the bane and the
end of many an addict, and having these harsh detriments glossed
over with 'good intentions' and a pretense of happiness doesn't change
their toxicity.

If you imagine that there is only one path to recovery, you condemn
not only others, but yourself. This militancy is adverse to the new
and open views that people in recovery need to be bringing about.

Only when consciousness is expanded to the point that we see
beyond the already-agreed upon notions and ideas can we find
a new version of life. We don't protect our ideas by building walls
around them; we prevent ourselves from growing.

What you see as real is what will become a reality for you;
every time you speak of powerlessness, you bring it into being.

Every time you speak ill of another's chances, you bring that dark
possibility closer to existence.


Friday, September 7, 2012

What Lies Beneath

"Zowie! A fresh coat of paint and this place will
be good as new!"
Some folks feel that a fresh coat of paint and a few tweaks to
the outer shell can shine enough of a good light to distract
from the dingy and dismal greys that lie beneath such a surface.

They imagine the facade to 'be the thing,' and pour time and
money into the covering up of poor construction, rather than
the fixing of the destruction. (Image can never substitute for
substance, though some folks seem to miss that lesson time
and time again.)

There's a vast difference between repairing or replacing a
faulty foundation, and simply remodeling one.

After all, if you spread rose petals over a pile of dog shit, you
still smell dog shit, the shit didn't change into roses, and it's
only an illegitimate quick 'fix.'

You have to get to the core of things, not just cover up disasters,
destruction, and dysfunction... and hope no one digs too deeply.

A fresh coat of paint may look pretty, but the rotted wood under
it will continue to deteriorate, no matter people's impressions.


Saturday, September 1, 2012

Friday, August 31, 2012

Laid Bare

What makes one person use while another doesn't?

That's one of those extremely personal, significant
questions that hardly ever seems to get adequate coverage.

Perhaps we could ask "What 'creates' the make-up of
an addict? What circumstances and life paths lead to a
culmination of addictive personality?"

There are certainly similar characteristics that most
addicts seem to share; sensitivity, vulnerability, overly
insightful to life's machinations--yet unable to perform
what others might call 'normal tasks.' There's difficulty
maintaining relationships, inability to connect in real and
meaningful ways, being closed off emotionally, and so on.

None of these would seem to owe anything to a biological
or genetic component, surely.

At the root of all the most common addictive personality
traits could be said to be one commonality that ties it all
together; An inability to express emotions in a healthy manner.

Obviously not every addictive person is a cookie-cutter
or has the same history or experience, but this component
seems suited to most who grapple with the demons.

However, a commonality in dilemma does not necessitate a
common solution. These are complex matters. Let's start a
dialogue about where we all originate from; these aspects of
us never seem to be completely obliterated. All of our diversity
and different experiences makes it hard, but understanding
that recovery is not a "One Size Fits All" process is a good
place to start.


Friday, August 17, 2012

Cult Watch: The Bondage of Alcoholics Anonymous

A.A. teaches Dependence, not autonomy or independence.
They teach that you 'Require' their help.
That you 'Require' meeting attendance.
That only another 'like-minded' person within program can help you.
(Sponsors should be called handlers, or wranglers, since their real job is
to extol the virtues of the program, espouse dependence on a fictional
'HP,' and to lay aside all questions/doubts about program. In addition, of
course, to promoting their own individual agenda.)

Whether it's repetition of the same tired euphemisms, contempt for
different information, scare tactics, or a glimpse of the shame-based
dismissal that will occur if you turn your back on the program and its
teachings, the 'sponsor' is the AA apologist and glue that keeps the faulty
thinking in place when meetings are not being held. They tell the doubting
Thomases what they need to hear to help them fall back in line and 'get
with the program.'
Adding the edge of egotism that all this dogma is deity-originated and
backed gives followers the dramatic push to sway scared newcomers.
They'll tell you they're selfless and humble, but they get high on being in
the self-appointed 'soul-saving' business....and 'God' save you if you don't
believe the hype.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

"Danger, Willful Donalsonvillians"

If you're in the Donalsonville, Georgia area
(or Southeast Alabama area,
or Bainbridge, Georgia,
or the Tri-State area in general)
be sure to take heed of this warning.

The single public phone number
for this area (Area 16, District 1, Zone A,)
the Seminole Group, is for the
King of all Toxic and Psychopathic

Do Not Come In Contact,
for your own safety.

As mentioned before, the level of one's
involvement (immersion) in A.A. is pretty well
proportionate to that person's absolute
detachment from reality.

Avoidance of personal responsibility,
absorption in negative and harmful
personal agendas, sick and controlling
actions, abuse of others, and dry drunk
specials on the lose in Cray-Cray Town.

You name it. That's what's on the menu at the
Donalsonville A.A. meetings...and anywhere
else the Sicko chooses to travel with
his mess of lies, seduction, and

But mostly he likes the phone.
Being the sole contact for hurting, scared, needy,
vulnerable, weak, young boys as they seek refuge.
No witnesses, no authority, no review.

People call for help, and depending
on what you look like and your age,
you get a hell of a lot more
than you bargained for.

Forewarned is forearmed.
If it/they seem too good to be true,
you know it can't be good.

A man of two minds is dangerous
to all he comes in contact with.


Friday, August 10, 2012

"They won't miss a little piece, right?"

You can't remove one without affecting the others.
The goal of recovery is self-acceptance, wholeness, and healthy relations.
So the whole concept of being forced to pick-and-choose what parts
of self one divulges  in a 'support group' environment (so that you can
still have a group's 'acceptance' and 'tolerance') is bewildering to me.
Having pieces of you edited out because of being considered an 'outside
issue' is damaging and not at all super for esteem. A fragmented, constantly
monitored person is not a healthy person.
Sounds more like another case of "what's best for the institution, not
the individual," or more accurately, "what's best for the ego-maniacs
running the asylum, not the other patients."
There is nothing but selfish ego involved in thinking your way is the
only way, wanting to eliminate matters that are difficult for you personally
to digest, thinking you have the only answer available, knowing the
'correct' way for other people to behave, and the pomposity of running a
group for others that is attached to your own personal intolerance
towards differences.
The control-seekers and condemners might as well be drinking.

Me, I'm gonna be me, and still stay sober.


Thursday, August 2, 2012

"All Things Thus Intertwined"

Sometimes in the course of putting yourself in a different situation--being
subjected to a new dynamic--you can come across ideas that until now may
have been only on the periphery.

Last night, I participated in a national interviewing campaign for drug and
alcohol awareness. In the course of answering this litany of very monotonous,
similar questions, we reached a patch where I was asked to delineate the
timeline that drugs were used, alcohol was used, and when emotional and
psychological problems started developing.

Now, I have always known  that there is (more often than not) a direct link
between mental and emotional difficulties, childhood traumas, outsider status,
issues with sexual identity, etc., and alcohol/drug use.

But what came next flipped some switches for me in a way that they hadn't
quite connected before.

After determining the existence of 'low periods,' depression, and feelings of
low worth, I was asked point blank to explain to a stranger what that felt
like, from the inside. Incident after incident, I was asked to explain my inner
feelings in living through those difficulties.

I struggled a bit, because even though I have identified a lot of the triggers
and after-effects, it's been a while since I tried to explain to another person
just what depression, hopelessness, frustration, etc. feel like in someone
dealing with mental illness.

So as I sat there and dug deep, I came up with this;

There exists this void--this negated, empty, hollowed out place within me.
Some place that is dark and desperate and angry and alone and shattered.

And the things that used to make sense--the things that do make sense for
most people--no longer matter. Not work, not purpose, not relationships,
not hobbies, not anything.

So, there is a prolific, real, aching hunger going on in the pit of me, and I
am filled with dark, despairing, constant thoughts of how much I hate this
world, my body, my feelings, etc. when depressed.

And then....I discover something that medicates it; makes it all seem less
severe, less real, less potent...even for a little bit. That feeling of distraction,
that respite from the feels provides a high.
I want it again. I want to feel good, finally and at last.

I want to be made to feel something again. Something that normal everyday life
tends not to provide.

And that's where the connection between all external factors that trigger
interior sensation comes in; drugging, drinking, random or dangerous or
secret sex, binging or purging or starving, gambling, theft, and all the rest...
they are self-destructive, but the abandonment of concern for repercussions
is secondary. The main push is a desire to feel something 'more than.'

To feel alive, different...pulled away from the abyss even if by artificial means.

Those peptides and chemical releases that engage us so mightily are not
specific to alcohol, even though there may be chemical components of
alcohol and certain drugs that do imprint more heavily on the brain's pleasure
centers. (Hell, findings show that sugar produces the same responses

in the body as cocaine. Some things are relative.)

The majority of people with addiction issues that I have met fall into one
of five major categories;

1. Survivor of childhood abuse, be it sexual, physical, psychological, verbal.)
2. Either undiagnosed or mismanaged/untreated mental/emotional illness.
3. Avoiding dealing with sexual identity; closeted, self-hating, repressed.
4. Come from a broken home where the sense of abandonment of a parental
     figure dominated.
5. Come from an active-addiction home where identifying factors of addiction
     were constant; uncertainty, fear, lies, and intimidation ruled.
(And of course there is an "all-of-the-above" category as well!)

There is our basis for addiction. The emotional, the physical, the mental,
the psychological.

The outsiders who never fit in.
The depressed who don't understand the workings of the world.
The lonely and unsure and hopeless.

This is (generally) our common bond. And the drinking (whether intentionally
or not, whether consciously or not) and other medicating ends up being
used repetitively because it seems to give a lift to our normal circumstances.
What feels good, we do.

We eat because we hunger.
We sleep because we tire.
It stands to reason there is a force that drives us to medicate ourselves.

The first step to addressing that issue and finding healthier substitutions
is connecting to the problems that plague us.


Saturday, July 14, 2012

A.A. Life Lessons

The average person's experience with Alcoholics Anonymous can
actually prove quite enlightening, especially if one is still possessed
of a ridiculous notion that there are still good folks in the world!

Oh well...we all know where those 'good intentions' lead!

Here are some quick and easy life lessons so you can skip the
meeting and just absorb this into your consciousness!

1. Trust no one.
2. You really are completely on your own. So, D.I.Y.!
3. People never say what they mean or mean what they say.
4. 'Cliques' don't end in high school.
5. People will show you who they really are; believe the worst.
6. Ego never dies.
7. People never really change.
8. The nicer someone seems, the more afraid you should be.
9. Everybody has an agenda, and everyone wants something from you.
10. There is no such thing as charity.
11. Just because people believe in and promote something, it
       doesn't make it any more true.
12. Look out for yourself first, last, and always.
Learn them well...these are the real 12 Steps to a better life, free
of naive, delusional, fantasy-thought.

Heal yourself, and just don't drink. It really isn't that complicated.


Thursday, July 12, 2012

Hyding in Plain Sight

Unfortunately, it's never this simple!
Predators are drawn to particular positions and
places of authority where they are granted power
and influence over vulnerable and impressionable
minds. Where the idea of a system ordained by god
itself (how's that for some first class humility for
ya?!?) tells you to put your faith and trust in these
other sick folks in order to get your 'one and only' shot
at becoming clean and sober! What a racket!

The chance for a sociopathic drunkard to get their
fingers slid up into the mind of a hurting young
person, confused and ready to graft onto someone
who proclaims to hold answers and even--my word!--
salvation? It's a very seductive situation....and very
much orchestrated as such.

And oh, for the narcissistic personality becoming
intoxicated on having power over someone else in
their hands! A whole new addiction emerges.

There are plenty of places this occurs; Boy scouts,
youth sports, church youth group and Sunday
School classes, and most especially the religious-
based groups, such as A.A. and N.A.

They can use not only their position but also their
self-professed 'connection' to the Almighty Super
Power to falsely legitimize themselves and build up
unearned, disingenuous respect.

Representing a fictitiously holy place, thing, being,
and concept is a Free Pass for Emotional Vampires.
And setting people up and taking advantage of them
is an even better high than the old drug and alcohol
halcyon days.


Friday, June 29, 2012

"Where everybody knows your name..."

"But, but I was your friend yesterday!""Yeah, and now you said something we disagree with!"
Everybody has an agenda, loves to feign importance,
likes to imprint on someone, likes to feel better, useful.
In 12 Step, this human essence is enhanced a thousand
fold since the desperate folks need a project and a means
of conjuring self-worth.

Screw the fact that they aren't qualified or committed.
Easier to meddle in someone else's life than fix your own.
(And distraction and deflection is what AA/NA are really
all about.)

Besides, thes self-important loons are all hopped up
on the Jesus Juice;

They don't just believe they're more important than 'non-
believers'; they believe that GOD believes they're more
important than nonbelievers!

First they manufacture a need for themselves, and follow by
manufacturing their own reality to suit themselves. After all,
if you repeat something often enough, it must be true!

AA/NA's 'message of hope' is the equivalent of a southern
church gossip saying "I heard that someone said that there
was something similar to this might have happened." And
then, in typical "Telephone" fashion, that mythical tidbit gets
passed along as if fact and further enhanced along the way
so that more hogwash is built into doctrine to be shared as
if meaningful. (This applies to benefits of the program, statistics,
what supposedly happens to people who leave the program, etc.)

(None of this should distract from the fact that outright, known
lies are also utilized to convince people to go through the motions.)The crux is this; sponsoring's failure is not merely a matter
of bad pairings. "Well, Person A and Person B were just a
bad fit for sponsor/sponsee...keep trying til you find the right

No, it's the entire context of putting yourself in the hands
of an unproven, untrained, unauthorized, cult member who
is asking you to be 'helped' by faith healing...While there is no
empirical proof of having actually helped this person before
you, an avowed alcoholic and pathological liar.

What system of checks and balances is in place to make sure
people's welfare is looked after? None at all.
What method of compensation is there for pain and suffering
endured at their hands? None at all.
What authority is there to file formal complaints for misconduct
and grievances? None at all.

The Build-up of a need to adhere to an inhumanly possible
idealism is not only devastatingly unrealistic, it sets not only
the person doing the attempt up for feelings of failure and
disappointment, but it also allows for the individual who is
goading them on to show that they don't believe they measure
up. (Power Play = Big Ego Boost.)

Once you don't rank a high enough score on individual members'
score cards, they wash their hands of you. Acting as an agent
of not only the Program, but God A-mighty hizzoner hisself,
whom they interpret as being displeased with your lack of progress,
your refusal to listen to 'god,' and obstinance in absorbing
the message of the group.

So now in addition to being an alcoholic trying to stay sober
and deal with your life and daily bullshit, you have to worry
about an omnipotent authority figure passing judgement on
how closely you're adhering to someone else's idea of morality,



Thursday, June 28, 2012

"It Is What It Is, And It Ain't What It Ain't."

Embracing chaos is recognizing the pointlessness of most things,
and the cruel, random savagery of this world. It can scare the
heck out of ya. It can crush the fragile belief systems and illusions
of coping that were long-ago taught to our impressionable young
But in the end, it's a good thing.
Is nihilism depressing, as it gets the villainized rep from so many?
No. It's Realism.
When you can squarely stare life in the eye and see it for what it is,
no pretense, and release the need for sugar coating and avoiding,
you go to a whole new level of contentment. Of strength.
Becoming, in time, unswayed by any and all.
No loss can touch you. No expectations to be dashed.

Let other people misinterpret your actions as cold, heartless, weak, 
unhealthy or what have you.
Let them malign til the cows come home.
No one ever understands anyone, anyway.
Relinquish the need to be understood.
"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.'"

Saturday, June 23, 2012

"But what had really happened was...."

There's what you see, what I see, what I think you see,
what you think I see, what others think happened, what
others say they think happened, what really happened,
the part we're capable of understanding having really happened,
and so on. No wonder every one's confused!

It's meant as compliment I'm sure, but there is a line of
commenting that rather irks me; It goes like this:
 "You're so strong--look at what you've been through"
"You're so much stronger than I am.  I couldn't do
what you can," or some variation thereof.
Well, I'm still going through shit, just like everyone else.
Comments like that are an exit strategy, an effort to
forego the responsibility of facing what we are all capable
of facing, within ourselves.
It's choice. All the way, choice...and not at all easy.
I have been in the deepest, darkest depths, consumed by
grief, loneliness, depression, despair...devoured by my
circumstance and a lack of any insight on how to get out
from under.
I have been confused, full of doubt, wavering, aimless,
feeling no sense of worth...the bullshit of life and the attacks
of others threatening to extinguish my fight. I am not invulner-
able, nor dispossessed of a soul. I have felt these things.
Bit by painful bit, learning new ways, realizing my doubt
and despair and fear were learned and could be unlearned.
I made it through. Choosing to believe in myself to make it
I became stronger by choosing to be stronger, and that
started the process of transformation.
That's the message I have; we are not limited to what we
were or the worst we believe about ourselves. We are not
predetermined for weakness. We go where the belief and
commitment lies, and it can start with nothing but a faint and
inconsistent effort...struggling, barely heard, returning again
and again.
If I made it look easy, remember to not be so easily fooled!
I possess nothing that isn't in every one of us;
Nothing is as it seems.
Greatness isn't divined or imparted, it isn't a gift of birth;
it's taken by force. No one can grant it to you but you.
Find your inner strength today. Dare to.