Saturday, October 29, 2011
A friend died this week.
He had been battling illness for some time, and things had
gotten raw and nasty. It was good that he passed, rather
than endure any more pain and discomfort. He was ready
to go, and it wasn't unexpected.
I didn't go to the funeral. I don't do them any more, period,
but this was more than that.
There are people in this world....and I just cannot get
my head wrapped around it. What kind of person talks
shit about a man while he's living--doubts him, spreads
dissent, questions his integrity, treats him disrespectfully,
etc--and then accepts the duty of being a pall bearer at
that man's funeral?
What kind of big, brass, fucking balls does that take?
Is it an act of penance? No, not hardly. More like an
attempt to grab more spotlight and play Super Soldier
for the adoring crowd. "Look what a devoted friend I
am, carrying a corpse away," since no one can see the
heart and know the misdeeds that occurred. No one
can know the truth behind a liar's eyes.
It sickens me, but there's nothing I can do.
Thankfully, my friend doesn't care who walks him
to the altar or the grave. I'll get there. Just need to
work on it.
I can avoid conflict and not go. I can let people do all the bad
and wrong they wish. I have learned that most people don't
want to know about the bad others do, or they shoot the
messenger, so.... Every man for themselves.
I learned; I know who the Devil is.
I know what he's done. I know what he thinks.
I know not to trust him no matter what.
Just wish I believed in Karma or God or something.
It would have been swell to hear a lightning bolt clap
when those sweaty, corrupt, con man palms touched
I imagine Le Douche will be settled in one of his own
before too terribly long, though. Not because there's
any justice, but because living foul does tend to catch
up with you eventually.
A friend died this week.
He was direct and true and real. He will be missed.
I gave him his respect and love while he was here;
I have nothing to prove, and no one to impress.
The world needs more shoot from the hip fellas,
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
After all the declarations, all the decisions to do better, all
the fear of losing loved ones or freedom, what is the one thing
that will truly save us in the end?
We must truly decide to Love ourselves.
This consists of many related decisions we have to make.
A true and abiding desire to care for self.
To do what will ensure better health and happiness.
To love self in a nurturing and devoted way.
To sacrifice instant gratification and past methods in favor of
growing up and metting our own needs.
That's the only lasting and meaningful dedication I know
of that will make a difference.
There is much talk of doing for others in this country,
often to the detriment of self. All this codependency, all this
viewing of self as incomplete unto itself, all of the neediness
and dependence and need for others' approval is par
for the course, but it's dangerous and it's ultimately
unfulfilling and futile.
If you can't care for your self, you can't do for others.
Likewise, if you are dependent on others for esteem
and worth, you will ever be at the mercy of circumstance and
Self-sufficiency is the key.
Knowing and being true to self.
Being dedicated to mental and emotional and social and
Putting one's own needs ahead of others' and not being a
doormat any longer.
Meeting your needs and doing what it takes to survive.
There is no morality required to quit drinking and drugging.
You need to know that you're worth the effort.
If you were never told, it's nonetheless true.
You are the center of your own universe, and there's
responsibility required to run that show.
Think before you act.
How important is your future prosperity?
Do you see the connection between your choices and
the repercussions you face?
You are in control of what you say, do, respond to,
and dwell on.
Learn to be consciously connected to self and needs.
Consider and deliberate rather than continuing to
The ability to do things differently is within you.
Are you willing to start loving yourself enough
to invest in smarter choices for your health?