Saturday, August 6, 2011
Been an interesting time, to say the least.
Lots of aggressive energy and bullshit flying
fast and loose with everyone this last week.
Maybe the Mercury Rising, or the absurd heat,
or the economic crisis looming, or a combo
of all things big and small.
Bottom line...I don't ever know what will pop
up, at any moment. I'm just doing my best to
keep me--and my reactions, my mind, my energy--
in the right space.
I've been pretty successful with finding some
folks to talk with in a variety of different self-help
forums. In regards to addiction, I deal with folks
in Secular Recovery or related forums, or I
go to AA on facebook where it's an international
and diversified crowd, and much easier to get
like-minded or progressive people.
I also am using other areas (as always) such as
health and fitness, gay rights, politics, and so on
to expand all aspects of myself. Diversity and
wholeness are wonderful things.
I did attend an AA meeting a few weeks back,
since it was actually an Al-Anon. Then attended
an Al-Anon proper later. It's nice to socialize,
and I still care about people, but at a formal meeting
with the chanting of the god stuff and the prayer and
the religion...I just can't take it seriously.
(Did NOT pick up my 'chip' while there. Didn't
want to be disingenuous, since I am not counting
days. Also, you know, the whole "I didn't use AA
to do it..by any stretch!" thing. Thought about
mentioning my 6 months, just for inspiration to
anyone who needed it, but it seemed like a worm
can opener, so...)
And it really is just an exercise in tolerance
since there is nothing of use aside from the
potential to meet new people. (Maybe I hear
one thing, out of 59 minutes of blah....and I do
use the time to simply work on accepting
that others think differently and it's okay....
so long as they aren't arrogant enough to
think it's the Exclusive way!)
Some days that's worth it....others it's just
frustrating and loneliness inducing.
But, I know what to do, and I share it with
others wherever we meet, not simply in the
walls of a room.
There's still a lot of pain from what
happened in AA, and it isn't easily brushed
aside. Even going to group in order to be of
support to those who don't 'partake' of the
Message is a daunting task when I feel worse
Anywho...doing what I can and have to.
Trying not to hurt anyone else, regardless.
Standing up for myself and my needs.
Not counting days; just living well Because.
Focusing less on absolutes and more on Living.
Hope you are doing the same.