Monday, February 27, 2012
The basis of what compels you, what fills your thoughts,
what fuels and motivates you is significant beyond compare.
So the simplest way I know to ask, is to just ask;
Do you find comfort in starting from a point of seeing
yourself as weak and helpless?
Or are you better served reminding yourself--or
learning about--your innate strength and capability?
Do you act on the desires others have for you to be
submissive and compliant?
Or do you act towards your own personal and unique
needs...to be independent?
Do you succumb to fear and superstition, or do you
learn to embrace reality and tough facts?
Do you give over to a false notion of inferiority and the
desperate need to sell yourself out, or do you choose
to stand your ground and promote your humanness and
all your worthy parts?
The choices we make resonate throughout our lives.
The base we rest on informs much of our active lives,
so choose what your basis is carefully.
Haven't we beaten ourselves up enough?
Isn't fear, helplessness, suppression, perfection-seeking,
illusions, lies, fakeness, following edicts, silencing self,
and pain-avoidance what led to active addiction to start?
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
We often remain under the dead weight and trappings of
unuseful thoughts, patterns, beliefs, relationships, etc. long
after we have lost the purpose or joy once inherent in them.
My difficulty with proceeding forward from bad situations
stems in part from the normal human need for consistency
and regulation and repetition, all of which substitute nicely
for actual contentedness. But I also have some very deep-
seated aversion to change, difficulty with conflict of any
sort, and abandonment and trust issues that taint every corner
of my world. 'Losing' anything is traumatic, even if the end
result is my own good. (Not that this is unique among folks
with addictive personalities!)
This is a predicament I find myself in repeatedly, without much
resolution; The juxtaposed fear of releasing something known
to be detrimental because it is familiar, while avoiding needed
and positive change because it is unknown.
It all comes down to matters of trust.
If you find you can't trust people, you can't trust life, you fear
you can't trust self (based largely on very subjectively culled
past events and interpretations,) why would you trust the
process of life in specific or general?
Getting to the root of all the reluctance to change, healing,
growth, living fully, and just plain 'being' is exhausting and
terrifying. But as we can easily determine in others, from the
outside looking in, "You can't treat a rash without dropping
In the course of learning life, there is certainly
more that's unknown than known.
We can never be more than, at best, in struggle for
dominance with our surroundings, whether they
be job, people, addiction, love, or what have you.
(At worst, we may hope to tread water or 'drown
less often.') Living in charge is a luxury afforded
to very few, and even then tends to be tenuous and
Finding a balance may mean changing perspective
or acquiescing, or learning to release the need to
control or mandate. That's for those of us without
the money and pull to continue pulling strings at any
point in the game.
But into every life a little rain must fall, and even the
most talented of controllers are affected by dire
circumstance, much as their low and mid-level
The trappings of 'success', materialism, the illusions
of happiness we strive to achieve and maintain and
reclaim...they can all cease to carry the significance we
afford them by our decision to unclench from the long-ago
instilled belief that we 'must' continue things as they
have always been.
If I relax the parameters, ask new questions, and
allow for the old bonds of belief to be shattered,
entire new worlds open up. We are only captives if
we continue to imagine ourselves such.
Being free cannot happen if I seek absolutes and rigid
definitions that are not reflective of the complex
and fluid life process.
Things are only as important as we make them.
All meaning is superficially implied.
Reevaluating and reassessing our core needs can
be a very sobering experience.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
does not reduce one's culpability.
Being ignorant to implications does not erase complicity.
Lack of awareness is not an excuse. Being in denial
or disliking a truth doesn't make it go away.
You can be part of a problem while having the best
of intentions. Government ineffectiveness, banking
schemes, pyramid schemes, police corruption,
falsehoods about addiction, and cults all share some
things in common; they are dependent on many who
are not actively aware for the devilishness of the
scam to be perpetrated. It's the nature of the beast.
If, with education and insight, people still choose
to remain involved with such schemes, then that
is a problem.
People start out wanting to feel better, wanting
to belong and be a part of something, wanting
a way to fill the nights, etc.
But when intimidation and indoctrination and
terrorism and psychological warfare come into the mix,
intentions fly out of the room.
If embracing someone is dependent on how
they live and whether they accept what you're selling,
then your 'love' isn't inclusive and accepting.
Giving lip service to something while doing the
opposite (and pretending otherwise) is not a new
Nobody wants to imagine themselves gullible or
foolish, so even when awareness descends, people
can have difficulty breaking free of the grip of a cult.
They know what happens to those who turn against
the group--or even simply stop attending. They become
ignored and treated persona non grata...a fate worse
than death if you have become dependent on the
illusion of being treated well and being cared about.
For those who are hurting, even the illusion of love
is better than nothing. The hucksters depend on it.
Calling it something else and using the good intentions
of some to promote it doesn't change that.
It's a human pyramid scheme; a religious 'only
three more to reach my goal' shell game. Smiles
and careful phrasing don't distract from that.
People come on strong initially, overwhelming
newcomers so as to facilitate a false sense of
belonging; giving cheery and delusional testimonials,
making unrealistic promises, only focusing on upbeat
and Polly-annaish (unrealistic) ideals....
manipulate their emotions, build up
the sense that they are genuinely loved and accepted
and appreciated, and then....
Make them realize that the continuation of all
these ebullient iterations is contingent upon their
willingness to adopt the mindset of the group.
If you don't get the prescription filled, you can't
have what you've been shown a picture of.
You can't just pull your weight and socialize,
and you can't politely overlook those steps...
you have to commit to the belief system or that
lovey-dovey smiles-a-popping support system
will dry up and blow away.
Of course, it isn't articulated quite so directly,
but the night-and-day switcheroo or emotions
that takes place...the looks of disappointment
and the freeze-outs and the eye rolls and the
condemning glances and the unreturned phone
calls all speak volumes.
Lovingness belongs to those who participate...fully.
If your are unwilling or unresponsive, you don't
get to play with the popular kids. (Who are all
generally actually the un-popular kids, now being
given their first taste of power...did you imagine
it would go well?!?)
Most don't like having it broken down like that, but
there it is.
The 12 Step Solution:
Petty fanatics, cloaked in their feigned
and hysterical 'god'-consciousness
and 'god'-connectedness, coming
together to boast their worthiness
amidst their own, while delineating
the unworthiness of the unaffiliated....
reinforcing their foolishness with
posturing, preening, pretensions.
What's not to love?
"Pay attention to how good we're being...while you're
here in front of us, at least!"
It's still gossip, even if you pretend you don't spread it.
It's still lying, even if you keep covering it up with new lies..
and haven't been caught yet....
and have everybody convinced.
It's still coercion, even if you keep a smile on your face.
It's still judgement, even if you smirk it softly,
or couch it with "I'm just trying to help."
It's still a clique, even if you really believe you're superior.
It's still delusion, even if you fancy yourself special and right.
It's not the 1950's anymore;
It's okay to pull your head out of your ass!
Break the chains and be Free.
Sobriety--like morality--is not
to religion or spirituality.
You really can be your own person....
despite how scary that is to others!
1. If you don't work the program, you will
'go back out' or use/drink again.
2. You can't do it alone.
3. The people in 12 Step care about you.
4. You can depend on people in group.
5. The 12 Steps are not a cult or a religion.
6. Recovery and sobriety is dependent on a
7. 12 Step is for everybody, no matter their beliefs!
Telling a lie often enough will not make it Truth.
Discover the Reality;
Stop the 12 Step Insanity.
Unfortunately, demanding authenticity
won't make it happen.
We seem to be living in a world
that is more and more duplicitous
and false as the days go by.
Dealing with entire groups of addicts
is a pretty sure way of coming into contact
with some of the most unscrupulous
and unsavory characters around.
The majority of people in 12 Steps may be dry,
but the rest of their routine is pure show.
Just because someone says they are
a good person, presents themselves as rehabilitated,
promotes themselves as compassionate,
has the pretense of selflessness, and
postures as a spiritual person, that
does not make it so.
When dealing with sociopaths, narcissists,
pathological liars, con men, and zealots,
that's especially true.
No matter how sincere they seem,
no matter how charming and convincing
they are, and no matter how hard they work it,
a lie is still a lie.
No matter how beautifully it's crafted.
Fakes get away with hurting folks
precisely because they are so good at
what they do.
But a flawed copy can never replace an original,
and a hustle can never stand in for the real thing.
Don't believe the hype;
of course a con man is going to tell you
he's honest and sincere.
I've never met one yet that announced they were
getting ready to fleece you.
We all tend to have a fantasy
about wanting others to care for us.
It can make us vulnerable
to expressed interest and grand overtures.
But if we stop and consider;
What kind of person would
ingratiate themselves to a stranger?....
How could someone truly care so much
for someone they don't know?....
What sort of person wants to take on
the responsibility for leading another person?...
In a children's tale, the answer might be
'a good person.'
But in reality, the answer is 'a sick person
who wants to play God.'.....
'Someone who is attempting to avoid their own life
while playing fast and loose with yours.'....
What things appear to be, and what they truly are...
they have as little to do with one another
as they ever did.
Street smarts tell us that if a person is too eager,
overly solicitous, too interested, then something is
wrong; they're conning you. And you'd be right.
What kind of person takes advantage of someone
at their lowest point, in order to feel better
about themselves and to promote an agenda?'Not a very good one.'