Tuesday, January 29, 2013
So last Saturday, I was picking up a celebratory cake for
another matter and all of a sudden, standing there looking at
the 'Congratulations' and the cake and having the date
dawn on me, I realized that I have been clean and sober
just over two years!
(No, I didn't forget that I was sober! But with everything
going on of late, and the speed with which each day
processes and plays out, I have not been keeping track of
'important dates' like I used to. Which can be kind of a
good thing, since I used to be morbidly obsessed with all
of the anniversary dates of deaths and losses and so forth.
Now I seem able to keep such things in perspective.)
Of course, my sobriety is long in question with some,
but that's neither here nor there.
My Auntie is still a 'hoot' about it all; she continues as she
has done all along to PUSH alcohol on me every time I go in
her home. (Actually, she's become such a crazy bitch that I
don't spend time with her any longer, but I do still show up to
see the kids...those poor, trapped, victimized kids.)
She'll swagger over with her perma-thermos clutched tight
and say "How about a little drink, Robbie....one won't hurt
you!" and I have taken to saying "No thanks; As you well know,
I don't drink any longer, period." Some times I even say "Fuck
off" since I know it's not her 'crazy' but rather her passive-aggressive
downer negativity that seeks to run me down so we can be
No thanks, Auntie. You and Moms can reminisce about the
old days and have those higher standards....you can drink your
cares away every day and twice on Sunday.....and you can talk
whatever smack you want about me with condescending tones
and dismissive intonations.
I'm gonna do my thing and run my run, and handle my business
when it's all said and done. Staying away from unsupportive and
disinterested people has been a boon for me. Cutting the ties
as much as possible to Nay-Sayers and non-believers and instead
tuning into the voice in my own head that says "Why, of course you
can do it, Robert...you were capable all along!" is a vast improvement.
It's all a matter of what you're willing to believe, and sometimes the
herd of people trumpeting your doom can drown out that lone
voice of hope and reason that says "I can do anything!"
I finally chose to bet on the underdog. You can, too.