Monday, August 29, 2011
Seems like every day I wake, I find myself at Square One
all over again; there's just no holdover from any of the prior
day's learnings. I feel like an Etch-a-Sketch that's been
shaken and returned to the toy chest after an elaborate
masterpiece had been designed. D'oh.
But I am learning to get control of thoughts earlier on; focus,
discern, get control, make my choices, get active, remind
myself of my deservedness, and get off on the right foot.
Perhaps my biggest issue is getting out of the maze of
distracting thoughts in my head; all the dark places that
draw you in and keep you in their timeless limbos. This
is made more difficult by lack of structure and daily
routine (read; no job.)
I have tried to counter the negativity of no job by
filling my time with worthwhile and uplifting things.
In addition to the obvious looking for work (meetings,
interviews, job search sites, follow-ups, resumes,
independent work, etc.) I still walk, work out, write
my blogs and journal (tremendous help!), reading,
watching fun and light media junk when I can, stay
in touch with people on online support groups, work
on my other projects, help my Mom, and so forth.
Being productive and busy and constructive is
all well and good, but there are still those moments
(particularly late at night, in the bed, all alone) when
the morass of my brain wants to do me in.
Actually, I think all compulsively minded and addicted
people are 'naturally' self-destructive. Comes with
Finding a way to combat that insidious worm of
negativity and doubt and sabotage is hardest when
I'm most vulnerable, such as tired, alone, depressed,
etc. I do pretty well with putting my mind on what
is going well (and not what is hard or 'not to my
liking.') I also work at staying in the 'Now' and not
dwelling on the past. But it's work. Constant and
true....changing habits is hard work!
I am making a script for an audio tape I want
to record; it will be positive affirmations that are
played at the beginning and ending of my day. I
make the script when I am in my right mind--or
'up'--and then when I am having a slow go of it
or can't think of the tricks I learned in the past, I
will have easy access to a reminder.
I also like to post really positive or encouraging
True-isms on paper around the house. Wake me out
of a funk when I get distracted or worn down.
We all know it happens. We save up for a rainy day;
why not take precautions for our other needs?
Not every day is going to be stellar, no matter
how hard I try or how dedicated I am. I want some
reserves in place so I don't find myself going
back to those dark places. Whatever it takes
to win the war.
Peace and strength....