Reminders: Not Heeding the Warning Signs



Watching a young person remain nonplussed
after suffering the very real ramifications of
active addiction this last week,
I figure this is a good one to share.

It's sad when the person embroiled in
chaos--and even those enabling them--
can't see the very clear signs.

Here's hoping for recognition of reality
sooner rather than later.

***



Ownership

I Know...

that Strength of Will

is the single-most

important,

powerful,

useful,

and reliable

energy and asset

that we have.

It's ever-present,

waiting for us to discover it,

believe in it,

and fully embrace it.

Within each of us

exists the capability

to do what is needed...

if only we will See it,

Accept it,

and Choose it.

Make yourself proud, today!

The Power and Push of Loneliness

Loneliness is a powerful fear. It's a part of what drives every
person, and is a part of every person's life--to varying extent--
from cradle to grave.

Many suffer from it without being acutely aware, and attempt
to disperse the anxiety of loneliness with a suitcase of 'medicinal'
or situational alleviations that might even work as distraction,
for a while.

But eventually, as people die and friends depart, as we grow
older and find it less easy to connect (or hell, just even meet
new people!) we recognize that our loneliness is just a part of
the ride, like so many other things we must accept linked to the
human condition.

Fundamental loneliness is understood by cults across the globe,
and preying on it is an important aspect of indoctrinating folks
into their fold.

Typical ruse; come on strong, effusively generous, accommodating,overly interested, big smiles, empty promises. Pretenses aplenty.
Best behavior to impress and inculcate.

Once they get you connived, convinced, and regulated, attention
is relaxed and now if you want any positive recognition or strokes
you have to jump through hoops, pull your weight, and recite the
teachings ...self-regulating the dictates and indoctrinating the new
recruits. Because 'same page' thinking is the only true goal of the
program.

Rewire. Assimilate. 'Differently educate.'
Not actually help; 'help' is only available to those who are willing to
be rewritten in their view.

In the eyes of 12 Step groups, if you aren't part of their particular
outlook, you aren't part of their circle. You're either with them or
against them. If you aren't part of their 'solution,' you don't have a
solution.

Trained animals, begging for scraps and treats. That's not how anyonewants to live, but of course, giving in is the answer they provide to
you. Before the warmth is withdrawn.

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A Queer Notion

There have always been a Disproportionately higher  number of gays, lesbians,
bi, and questioning people who are dealing with alcohol and drug dependence.

Many couldn't face being their true selves, and when their feelings/desires/identity
started to emerge, alcohol/drugs are one of the ways they medicated and escaped.

Becoming sober leads to a  need to face ourselves, to be in a safe place where
people are allowed to be their true selves, free of religious restrictions and others'
'moral' (i.e., subjective and ego-based) denouncements.

Facing those kinds of critical prejudices while in such a vulnerable stage of
actualization is devastating.


It's a time for integrating all the disparate parts of self into one healthy whole...no
more need to hide...no need to feel ashamed of being exactly who you are;
that's the integrated, healthy, secure, sober, recovering self emerging.

Not someone who is told to 'please' keep their emotional, psychological, sexual,
human self under wraps, because their real life is 'an outside issue.'

Shaming and suppression have no place in recovery. Support groups need to
be as integrated and whole as the people they purport to exist for.

**************************************************************

Creating Our Niche

"You are getting weaker...so weak....and need a special friend..."

In all humans, there is a need to belong, a

need to be deemed worthwhile, a need to

be acknowledged , and a need to be needed.

Like most things, though, addictive personality

folks like myself have an increased sense of all

those desires.

It's part of the deep, dark, incessant desire of

an addict..to be Needed.

There is a sense of that emptiness in us that

cannot be filled unless we are enmeshed with

another person, a project, an all-consuming job,

a deeply-held belief system.

We need validation and acceptance more than most.

(And for some of us, learning that it can only

come from within takes a lifetime!)

But in order to be needed, neediness must first

exist in others. It must be found, isolated, enhanced,

cultivated, ensured, or manufactured, if need be.

(If you haven't learned to be complete,

 devoid of artificial means.)

If we don't maintain healthy connection to our own

value through self-validation or involvement in a variety

of community or world interests, we can become

obsessive or even fanatical about connection to some

specific thing or person.

Dependent on them, or it, for our sustenance, even

as we deny such a reality. Just like when the drugs

and alcohol had their hold.

People who would create a seeming 'need' for their

services in the minds of the very people they're

purportedly 'helping,' are only catering to their own needs.

The image maintained may be one of helpful compassion

and charity, but they're massaging their own egos and deep-

seated fears and disconnectedness by building themselves

up as a messenger or benefactor of the highest order.

If someone makes a living out of painting themselves as

a generous, well-meaning soul merely visiting sympathies

and salvation on weary world-travelers, be afraid.

And then recognize that you can save your own liberated self.

****************************************

Time After Time

One of the main components of addiction is relapse.
Everyone from counselors to doctors to clinic heads
will tell you it is the mere reality; it is a normal part
of the whole.

Relapse doesn't necessitate failure in the long term,
but on the shaky road to becoming better, one can
make several backwards movements.

(In the time between August of 2010 until my new
sobriety date of January 20th, 2011, I tried and caved
in my efforts to regain sobriety on multiple occasions.
Simply put, I didn't give up on myself simply because
I didn't adhere to the standards I had set. I just started
over.)

(Prior to having relapsed that time, I had had over ten-
and-a-half years of sobriety which I departed from
in 2007. It wasn't wasted time; either sober or lapsed.
Just like hardships in life, we gain something from all.)



on black-and-white 'success' and consistent, total
abstinence, the weight to perform and maintain what
others (seem to be/ purportedly) are doing is an extra
burden. A sense of failure can fearfully threaten the
connection we feel to the group.

The eyes tend to be so much 'on the prize,' with
rewards given for abstinence-- not efforts or growth
free from that lofty goal--that the idea of sobriety
becomes very cut-and-dried, when it, like life, is
anything but.

(Side note for the Haterz; I haven't relapsed, and would
have no trouble mentioning it if I had. I am addressing this
because I know how intimidating the idea of 'keeping
track' or 'starting over' can be when there is such demand
for 'complete' * abstinence and longevity in program.)

There needs to be much more flexibility and compassion.
When people do fall off the wagon or have a set-back,
there's such a condescending loss of faith and interest that
so obviously falls over members of support groups. (Of course,
the prevailing sentiment that "If you really work the program,
you can do it with ease," "You only fail if you don't want it bad
enough," and of course "If you leave AA/NA you will relapse
and you won't make it back" are in the back of everyone's
mind after having heard those ridiculous lies repeatedly.

Viewing--and promoting-- relapse as some monstrous, evil,
dreaded, unforgivable thing that looms over head actually
gives it more power psychologically than it deserves. Self-
fulfilling prophecy even. After all, if an organization based on
defeating something no longer has something to defeat, it
becomes extinct. Providing a Bogeyman provides rationale
for one's own existence.

It's not always forward motion; we dance to and fro and back
again. There's a flow and balance in all things. Cutting ourself a
break and remaining dedicated to our goals without harsh
expectations is a healthier take.

Sobriety is a lifestyle, but it is a part of a whole; there is
room in the process for relapse and lessons. It's not the Falling;
it's the not getting back up. Be kind to yourself.

**************************************************

* (Everyone certainly has their own perspective on this,
with other members of 12 Step deciding for people what their
'commitment' or 'seriousness level' is based on what their own
personal beliefs are. Deciding for others that no chemicals
extends to psychiatric meds, pain meds, and so forth.) Find
your own compass in these matters too.
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