A journey to embrace, explore, and honor the Freedom and Power inherent in active recovery.
No more shame...
No more shackles....
No more secrets.
The path--and the Power--are within.Be Free.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
The Dreaded Weekends
I still have trouble with weekends. I don't know precisely what it is,other than perhaps an additional sense of isolation because 'other
folks' all have plans and i feel excluded. I am working hard at being comfortable in my own skin, enjoying my life just as it is, and not
being dependent on others for my security.
I can sit and analyze that weekends are bad because I don't have a social network that is continuously busy with parties and gatherings any longer.
Or maybe it's because I live in an area where there are Zero events, outings, opportunities. (And no interest or support for such things starting.)
Perhaps it's that everything that exists here is centered around mind-numbing evangelical religion and exclusivity and cliques.
It could be that the weekends were always a time of dread because it
meant more time with my family; isolated, abused, fearful.
Nothing's open on the weekend and therefore my jobless behind has
greater difficulty finding ways to fill my day; also, no funds to go where
things are happening.
I can find some ways to occupy myself; there are always things that need doing, work that needs to be done, time wasters, distractions, etc. But there are times....
Anyway, Boo-Hoo and woe is me. Just sitting here thinking about it,
and starting to get a bit of a committee going, when I suddenly realized; "Hey,
Idohave someone I can share this crap with!" Better out than in!
I am sitting in a home that is paid for for another month, I have A/C, I have eaten today, I have animal companions, I am still self-sufficient, I am not at the mercy of depression, I am sober, I am okay. I am not alone if I am comfortable with my aloneness, and I can choose to be serene.
I can also choose to have company any time I want by daring to go and interact with 'strangers' and give them the chance to be a part of my world.
I do not need to follow hollow
rituals that no longer feel good
or affirming or do as directed. I can stand on my own and feel better and stronger because I am being my own person, following my heart.
Being tolerated is not acceptance. Duplicity is not an aspect of spirituality. It is better to be contentedly alone than misunderstood by many.
Changing my perception and my
perspective takes work sometimes.
By first acknowledging the discontent
and then seeking resolution from
within, I can find my way. simply to please others