Naked and alone...but not vulnerable.
If you've been feeling out of place in AA....
confused, resentful, dismissed, talked down to,
ignored, disrespected, shamed, etc.......there
might be a reason beyond your character defects!
You know, refusal to feel 'less than' at the insistence
of other folks is a good survival skill. Trust your gut.
Hmmmm...they told you it would all be fine "If only"
you would do the steps.
Perhaps they also told you that there was no way to
find serenity without complete surrender of will to
'God'. That peace and sobriety were only possible
through that submission.
Some of us have also been told that "without
completely giving ourselves to the AA way of life,
there is no hope."
We are 'made' to feel inferior...as though there is
something 'wrong' with us (incorrect) because
we can't "get" this 'simple' program. (READ: You
refuse to be a Stepford Wife, so there is a problem
inherent in YOU.)
Even the opening to the 12 Steps reads 'semi'-
passively that if the steps --as written--don't work
for you, the fault is yours. That you are a patho-
logical liar or a mental incompetent or a nervous
wreck; some wretched creature that just cannot
come around to the 'obvious and superior' stance
of a unified concept of deified ultimate superiority.
You foolish, sad creature, you! (And there are
soooooo many of us!)
There is an obvious air of piety and condescension
amongst many in AA, using their concept of being
connected to a god-figure as their self esteem. But
those with poor self esteem are not content until
they have successfully bashed another's self-worth;
only then can they truly feel superior.
And NONE of it has a damned thing to do with
recovery from alcohol. It's just the silly posturing
of other sick people who need to feel a part of
something bigger than this crazy, chaotic thing
we call life. More power to them...but you and I
don't have to buy into the insanity.
And we aren't bad people. And we can stay
sober and be happy. In fact, taking a stance that
we aren't horrendous, selfish, amoral bastards
with no capability outside of divine intervention--
that might be a good place to start rebuilding