"My" Problem With Religion

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There is a significant difference between 'religion'
and 'spirituality.' Not just in the sense that one
does not have to go to a specific building or a
specific denomination to "find God," but moreover
that the traditionally promoted and accepted
'mainstream' view of God is not required to
be on a legitimate spiritual path.

I do not imagine that life sprung forth in such
intricacy on its own accord, or that there is not
an energy force behind it. My disbelief is in the
mythology and magic wishes of the Judeo-
Christian construct and Bible.

I know a Universe exists, after all!
I actually believe there has to be 'something'
to it all, intricate as life is...some force of great
power. (Suppose I'm 'between' atheistic and
agnostic' if you're getting technical,) BUT I think
the term 'God' has been bastardized for all time
 by the ignorant and the masters of culture and
religion.

I cannot believe in any version of a 'higher
power' that is paternalistic, omniscient, has a
foretold plan of life, answers calls, and so on.
I don't see it an an entity that is 'conscious'
or at least comprehensible by humans'
limited intellect.

The idea of applying meaning to the random-
ness and chaos of life is understandable; life
is dark and scary and unjust. We would like
for it to be otherwise, thus we made it so.

The idea that when something bad happens,
 it's 'God's will', and when something we
determine as good happens, that's also 'God's
will' is a determined interpretation of reality.
It also dictates that what happens to OTHER
people is God's will' you know, stuff like rape,
child murders, mass killings, house fires,
slipping in the bathtub, etc.
There is not significance in everything!

I can't cotton to the idea that all these
different people are "in touch" with God
because they say so! If an extremist evangelical
 right wing nut is receiving orders by being
'connected to God,' and a knee-jerk liberal
touchy feely anti-Fox News radical is also a
devoted Christian fighting the good fight,
don't they just kind of cancel each other out
in the cosmic scheme of things?

How is there any validity to it when every
single person who "believes in God" is off
and running with their own individual
interpretation of what that means? It's lunacy.

affectations stacked upon the idea of a
Judeo-Christian deity is blatantly projecting
needs. We are alone, we want salvation from
pain, suffering, etc...we want to have a neat
little box that makes it all make sense.
Sure, I get it.

The idea that someone is out there,
listening, caring for us when humans
don't... looking out for us, sending us
love notes in the form of jobs and nice
people, etc....it's a very comforting thought.
But I know religion is crazy dogma used
to control the masses, too.

To some degree, I feel as though "Whatever
gets you through the night" is fine. But I know
of NO organized religion that doesn't try and
limit, control, bash, or decimate others.
Whether its differing religious beliefs, people's
personal choices, or politics; they can't leave
anything alone. So disconcerted by others'
P.O.V. that they want to shape the world to
reflect their own shaky belief system.

But I see patterns of a small sort in life,
and I know love and sex and courage
could not be some figment of imagination.
Still struggling myself to see where it all leads.
But I know that fanaticism alone does
not sway me. I know I DON'T want
what most in regular AA have; a
new addiction in place of the old.All the ridiculous Santa Claus/SugarDaddy

I am not helpless. I am not powerless.
I can choose to be, but there is nothing
that's going to swoop in and save me,
no matter how I demure myself and tow
the party line. Like every other construct
of social control, the more you act like
everyone else, the more acceptance you're
given.

Conformity breeds reward.
That isn't rocket science.
And it sure isn't divinity.