In Like A Lion...(Forget the Rest!)

When it gets to be a bit much,

and you feel the stress growing

and your nerves fraying....

Take a moment, breathe,

and go deep.

Balance it out.

Put aside the horseshit.

Recognize the power you have.

Come back at it with a fresh take.

You have the power to take control

of every single aspect of your life.

Don't sell yourself out on what you can do!

*********************************

Get Into The Groove

Following step-daddy's recent departure, there was a
gathering of family at Mom's house, some time after the
nontraditional funeral.

(At the celebration of life that commenced on his own
property, one of the poor relations had quipped that she
wouldn't be attending since it would likely be nothing
but a drunken orgy. She was not missed, but she also
was not off mark on the drinking aspect. These folks can
pack it away like nobody's business.)

But at Mom's it was just a small, casual dinner and
meet, with the five of us. Still, the drinks were flowing
plentifully. Lite beers, Kahlua, wine, mixed drinks, and
everything in between.

In addition to the preponderance of alcohol, there was
still constant pushing of the booze, as if my sobriety and
umpteen reminders that I do not want to drink had never
occurred. That's a bit of an irritant, but I have gotten better
at not being flustered by it. My true issue with that is that
the main culprits involved are in fact aware that I am sober,
and it seems to be a game with them to try and get me to
partake. Or at the very least, they want to see if refusing
to acknowledge or respect my choice will upset me. Totally
not cool, but, also not worth getting excited about, so....

It's frustrating to be around folks who are acting like their
excessive drinking causes no side-effects, who are sort
of quietly defensive about their habits, and who are oblivious
to losing sight of such things as commanding all attention in
a room, forgetting how to close doors, and so forth.
Yes, I imagine this is what awareness feels like.

(Worth noting; this behavior is not particular to a period
of grieving; this is an all-year-long behavioral constant.)

So as drunks abound and your mother is reprising her role
as head critic of your every move--while heaping praise on
her new found family--I paused. Recognized the historical
nature of it all. All the personalities and animalistic nonsense.
The lack of importance of it all.

It was more difficult steering clear of the emotional and
head games than staving off any longing to drink. Other
than a momentary sense of being excluded from the group--
as the sole teetotaler--I was fine.

The shift of perspective from being 'tied in to what anyone
else thinks or does about me or to me,' to someone who
'is confident and complete within his own shell' is becoming
easier and easier to access, even in the most trying of
circumstances.

No matter the company, no matter the drama, no matter
the mindset, I still have absolute control over every one of
my choices and decisions. (And, had things been 'too much'
at the moment, I could always have left. There is nothing
I am obligated to endure, and certainly nothing worth the
sacrifice of my well-being!)

*******************************************

Truth in Advertising

Psychopathy and sociopathy can't be healed or cured...
but they can be utilized to the maximum in an environment
designed to create supplicancy and victimization.

Autonomy, anonymity, seclusion, inclusiveness, and
self-importance. A giant mistake for those considered
'the worst of the worst.' Who of these could deny the siren
call of potential wrong doing?

Convincing others to trust and demure themselves to
the least likely candidates imaginable is a recipe for
disaster. 12 Steps provides the perfect parameters for
providing prey to the predators predominant in the program.

Like leading lambs to the slaughter.

12 Step Programs are not governed or monitored in
any fashion; they promise the moon and are bound in no
way by any agency. "If it sounds too good to be true...."
Zero regulation, zero professionalism, zero science.
And despite millions of talking heads promoting the
wonders of the program, nearly zero results.

Your fate and welfare are in the hands of avowed psychos,
criminals, and manipulators....egomaniacs whose only
motivation is self-interest and meddling. Convincing you
of the sales pitch so that you will submit yourself.

A smile and a promise amount to a hill of beans
when gambling with people's lives.

Your care is explicitly not promised, promoted, or in
any way guaranteed. Proceed with extreme caution.

A con artist's most sincere sales pitch will always be that
you can trust them implicitly!

*************************************************

Flexibility

"Bend it don't break it!"

Finding a way to 'get along' without

compromising individual needs and rights

is a tough fit.

Pretty much everyone has an agenda

that doesn't include your well-being,

and it is every person for themselves.

(Don't let anyone's smile or deftness

fool ya otherwise!)

But allowing for people's inadequacies,

inconsistencies, idiocies, illnesses, and

illogic can be taxing if we take it on a

case-by-case or specifics basis.

For self-preservation, the art of being

cool about stuff is a time-saver and a

stress-saver. You can't change most

things, so keeping your condemnation

secret and keeping your comments

restrained is possibly the best way to

avert conflict.

Yeah, sometimes conflict is needed to

protect your boundaries and lay things out

straight for folks, but not as an every-day

all-day venting.

Wanting things a certain way and

expecting things to turn out a certain way

are two completely different ball parks.

Choosing between them, and recognizing

that there is not always going to be

reconciliation, is a step towards peace.

The choice to avoid craziness and conflict is

taking power and remaining in control.

Not everything works out how we want;

how we respond to that reality is the maker

of new worlds.

***

The Many Faces of AA

It might seem, at an AA or NA meeting, with
everyone scurrying to be on the same page
and show off who can act most 'godly' and 'spiritual,'
that it's all about the conformity. And naturally,
the 12 Steps would be nothing without conformity.


But there are actually a handful of very specific
'types' that make up the regular attendees of most
12 Step programs, and here's the breakdown!

1. The Fanatics.
The die-hard, actual honest-to-God believers.
The Big Book is divinely inspired, alcohol is a demon
that possesses souls, Bill W. was a saint, etc.
The cult of A.A. becomes a lifestyle choice which
they can adopt and memorize. Safety, comfort, dogma.
 2. The Predators/Managers/Con-Artists/Super Stars/

 Masterminds.
Perpetrating a fraud by adapting all the mannerisms
and dogma of the Program. Potentially indistinguish-
able from Fanatics....at first glance. These are the
sociopaths and psychopaths that are adept at mimicking
emotions and seducing people with their lies. Perfect
fit with the dependence of 12 Step. Wolves in the fold.


3. The Ambivalent.  meh. Take it or leave it. Likely
to not make waves, just blend it, steer clear of conflict
and controversy. Never make any real poignant comments
or draw attention to self. It's a place to go.
Nonconfrontational, and very vanilla in their shares
(if they share at all.)

4. The Peeps.
Looking for someone to lead them; willing to do or say
whatever they need to. Malleable. No real personality
of their own other than following. Blank slates and no
real boundaries. Needy and desperate; will do whatever
makes others happy and gives them a 'home.' Sheep.
Victims for the wolves, and the primary target demo-
graphic for AA.


5. The Partials.
They kind of believe some of it, and the rest is sort of
insignificant, so they just figure 'why split hairs?' and
go along for the ride. A lot of people are in this boat;
they like the companionship and having somewhere to go,
and there are some ideas they agree with, but there's just
as much that they're at odds with. Constant back-and-forth
and ambivalence about the conflicting ideologies.

6. The Characters/Antagonists.
Controversial, need to be heard. Cranks. Attention
seekers. Make threats against people, cuss, act
outrageously, start conflicts with people. On-again,
off-again attendance. Contrary, defensive, instigators,
advice-givers, show boaters. Nowhere else to go.


7. The Lonely.
Not necessarily any  use for AA one way or another;
just lonely. May even feel that the only way to get anyone
to spend time with them is to go where you (supposedly)
can't be asked to leave. May be committed to sobriety or
have no interest in drying up, but they have no place else
to go. (May not even have an alcohol problem, self-confessed
or otherwise.) Willing to overlook the rigidity of program
for a hug and a cup of coffee.

8. The Attemptors.
Trying desperately to mesh their own beliefs with the
groups even though they are diametrically opposed.
Trying to accommodate the bullshit they hear. Trying to
'take what they like and leave the rest.'
Typically, these folks don't last long; when they end up
realizing there's no one else trying to compromise and
met them halfway. Finally it's ingrained that with 12 Step,
or at least the dogmatic disciples who run most groups,
it's 'their way or the highway.'
For them, the facade of the program's integrity has been
shattered beyond oversight.


Despite AA protocol, the groups are run by nothing
but personalities, and when petty dictators who have
been looking for a hole to roost in get their heels dug
in, it's Katie-bar-the-door.

Point being, there are a lot of hurting people who are
willing to try anything and everything to fill the void.
he fact that people attend AA by the masses in not
indicative of anything working. It's a sign of people's
loneliness and desperation. Nothing more.

What if we could teach them all to not drink, based
solely on the power within them? Oh, right...then they
wouldn't be dependent on coming back over and over.

**********************************************

Celebrate Recovery-ish

"Alcoholics Anonymous:

Celebrating over 75 proud years

of hiding in cellars, using fake names,

pushing religion, beating people down,

promoting shame and self-doubt,

and driving people to drink.

Nothing says 'Love' & 'Healing'

like judgment & completely inclusive,

conditional, performance-based

'acceptance'!

Everybody longs to be 'tolerated'

 and marginalized!

You will come to OBEY...

Or you will drink and DIE!

So decrees The Group!"

***

(Fortunately, reality and reason

have nothing to do with

the tripe promoted by the cult,

so any means of abstinence

that works for you is fine.

Live well and long)

***

"Welcome to A.A." recruitment

"Hi folks! Welcome to the Bill & Bob show!

I'm Bill Wilson, and even though Bob here and me are

 both dead, I still maintain a stranglehold over

the group, along with little baby Jesus, from beyond the

grave! It's all good--just don't drink over it.

(Well, nothing but the Kool-Aid, anyway!)

I gotta give myself props, cuz, ya

know, only an egotistical genius could come up

with a plan for promoting his own views,

getting his own ideas immortalized,

being considered a hero, and being

worshipped his own self...while carrying off

the illusion of selflessness in the process!

What are the odds! LOL!

Anyway, come on down to the Church of AA,

and fake your way through it long enough

to get to that beautiful Thirteenth Step!
Whooooo-wheee, it is some kind of worth it!

We call it "Fucking Your Way to

a Fake Recovery," but the censors had some kind

of problem with that.

I'm not so much for 'Truth in Advertising' anyway,

so no big.

It feels good to live-it-up in a second childhood

of every degradation except booze, since

I bypassed my real childhood as a horrible,

godless, selfish, drunk bastard.

(Or did I? The brain cells are rusty.)

But now, I get to foist all my crap on y'all

and use up your well of innocence!

Ah, life is good.

Come on down to your local AA clubhouse

so we can have our way with you, too.

If we don't have fresh meat,

we can't feed the Lions, baby!

Uh, sorry Bob...no time for you to chime in today!"

***

When the show is over...

If you have to be obsessively devoted to something new

in order to let go of something old,

then it really isn't freedom, is it?

Live life, make good choices, move forward.

Stagnancy is for chumps.

I want to become strong, courageous, and free,

not remain limited, weak, and dependent.

***

Advancement or Death Sentence?

Addiction is so widespread, so rampant these days.
I don't believe it's simply because we're so virtually
well-connected (that we now are privy to statistics
we didn't have before) that we know this....in fact
just the opposite.

I think our advancing compulsivity and cross-addicted
nature as a society, our relentless feeding of habits,
is being fueled in large part from over-exposure.

Over-exposure to information, as our brains are
only capable of dealing with and processing so
much.

Overly easy access to anything we want, any
hour of the day or night. Temptations exist and
secrecy abounds in a tech-savvy world of cell
phones, computers, Internet hookups, and secret
connections.

A lot of rhetoric and lip service is given these
days to the technical overload of our modern lives,
but the harsh reality of these legitimate stresses
and continued pressures is building. There's a
double threat; increased exposure to negativity,
temptation, and vice, and the emotional and
physical isolation of overuse of technology
(addiction to computers, online gambling, pornography,
television, and other mood-altering escapist tendencies.)

Like with all addiction, the vehicle for the 'cure' is a
part of the initial problem!

The threat is not merely burnout (which, in itself,
leaves one open to addiction and further compulsivity,)
but rather the residual effect of the information, the
lifestyle, the sped-up living.

We were not meant to do everything.
We were not meant to understand everything.
We were not meant to know the amount of information
we are exposed to.
We were not meant to go-go-go, non-stop, always on,
never disconnected from things.
The technological dependence of our times has
accelerated and aggravated both extremes of this muddled
issue; hyperconnectedness, and disconnectedness.

Our minds and psyches have not had ample time--
just like our society--to adapt to the rapid-growth techno
changes that have occurred.

Life has become more complicated than it always was
as a result of how much we can do in a moment's notice...
no impulse control, no edit button, no erase on our clicks
and typings. Instant gratification has overridden the thoughtful,
reserved, consideration of mulling things over...waiting til
the time is right....considering the importance of something.
Considering repercussions.

High stakes, high speed, high on being in the mix;
we're addicted to the race and the thrill and the excitement...
when we're on top. And when we're not, the fall may hurt us.

And of course, for many, life is also just plain harder.
Economic woes have hit a great many people; joblessness,
homelessness, loss of status, greater number of divorces,
increased violence...it's all cyclically bound to and resulting
in a greater number of addictions and addicted persons.
Dominoes, baby.

The more we see, the more we're desensitized to it all.
The more isolated we become, the easier it is to use.
It's a given that as things grow and change and expand, the
greater the number of choices will be acompanied by a
greater number of bad choices.

Even the things which assist us can be abused, and
we should always be wary to be moderate in all things.

*********************************************

Recovery is Living

Tips for Staying Clean

and Enjoying Life

Worried about down time or spare time

being a burden or a problem?

Volunteer

Plant a garden...just for fun

Do yard work

Bake dessert..and deliver it to someone

Take a walk

Ride a bike

Tutor a child

Enjoy a meal

Write a letter

Read a book

Try scream therapy

Punch a punching bag

Swim

Take a proper lunch break

Watch a funny movie

Listen to inspirational music

Hold a door open for someone

Speak to 5 strangers today

Smile every time you see someone

Let go of worry

Feed a stray

Speak your mind

Opt out of drama

Own your choices

Follow a dream

Try something new

Challenge yourself

Take a class

Trust yourself

Watch the sun set

Life doesn't have to be lived as some kind

of cosmic chess game or high stakes

power play. We needn't be solemn and stark

and eternally wounded.

There are good, bad, and in between days.

Nobody feels like they're doing everything right

or that they have all they want.

There is no such thing as perfection

and there is no need to prostrate and repress.

I am alive, and I can enjoy my life as it is.

There is so much that I can do to stay busy,

and not give in to addiction.

I can also relax and enjoy quiet time

without doubting myself and ruminating.

***

What we think we see...

"Re-framing" is the technique wherein people in

recovery learn to adjust--rethink--the way they

look at things. Relationships, data, drugs, the world;

everything we see through our old eyes is suspect

when we have had a history of considering and

assessing things from the point of active addiction.

The problem is that a person with an addictive

personality shares some pretty outrageous points

of view (denial, paranoia, juvenile behavior,

compulsivity, etc.)

which can either be prolonged or heightened

(or both) by using.

These 'stinking thinking' thoughts can also become

frozen in time at roughly the place a person was

when they started using.

Add to this that addictive behavior--and drugs/

alcohol themselves--can intensify and rewire the brain

to more significantly consider wild thinking,

and induce new ways of incorrectly interpreting the world

around us.

(Thoughts experienced under the influence can

resonate more strongly than thoughts considered

under normal circumstances, just like thoughts

that constantly or repetitively cycle can form a

groove--and even cause enhanced neural sensitivity.)

So, once sober/clean, the need to learn a new way

of viewing things is necessary.

It starts with questioning what we know,

versus what we think we know.

Do people really ostracize and malign us,

or are we oft-putting with our brashness

without even realizing it?

Is everyone untrustworthy, or are we

unwilling or unable to trust due to bad experiences?

Reframing is rewiring the brain to see that

not all of our deeply held beliefs and opinions

may be correct or justified.

Do you really need a drink in your hand

(or in your gut) in order to chat or date or fuck,

or are you just scared of talking to people

and in need of facing that?

Do you really have to have a drink when everyone

else is having one, or can you do what is best

for you, regardless of what the crowd says

or thinks?

What we steadfastly held true

could all be otherwise.

"Free your mind; the rest will follow."

***

Faulty Logic

The idea that we can adequately or

romantically address the needs of the average

addicted person by 'treating' them with

the volatility and parasitically dire

source of addiction

is like using a chainsaw

to perform brain surgery.

In our affected, unclear, craziness of

choosing active addiction, of listening to the

"This time will be different" or

"I don't have a problem" lies that

we tell ourselves in order to get what we

think we want,

we can overlook all reality, signals,

and lessons in favor of self-destruction.

The 'cure' is truly worse than the pain.

If we start out from a place of being whelmed,

 hypersensitivity, vulnerability, pain

resounding endlessly, too much of this world

weighing down on us, pressures and stress and

fear, sensory overload, and all the rest

that can lead us to want to check out for a

while and avoid responsibility...

what can we possibly think we will gain by

opening up Pandora's Box and adding

fuel to the fire?

Using is a way of turning over our life's reigns

to catastrophe.

When we learn to care about ourselves

and our lives, we realize that active addiction

is not a harmless, victimless crime.

***