Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Thinking of ending it?
Of course it's impossible to know whether someone is
being overrun with emotion or truly at wit's end.
As someone who has been truly suicidal, I at least can
empathize with the sentiments.
I do know that no one else on this planet can be
in control of my emotions; siblings, parents, children,
lovers, no one.
Only I can decide my life is worth fighting for.
Only I can do what needs to be done.
Sometimes there are decisions that are frightening to
me, sometimes it is work or effort I would prefer not do.
But there are always options...
options that do not involve giving up.
It is my job to take care of me; no one else's.
It is a hard and uncomfortable, sometimes lonely truth;
but it is also sobering and empowering.
I would recommend pp. 415-420 in the Big Book of Alcoholics
Anonymous (4th edition)...
I think it's about pages 446-451 in the 3rd edition.
Very relevant. Be open to reading it, and let the truth
Circumstances can be horrible, but it is my response
to them that is key. My character is determined by exactly
what I do in a crisis, not in how well I do when things are
'peachy' and going the way I desire them to.
Do let your anger and frustration be voiced. Keeping it inside is not
the answer. But don't do something rash over a temporary setback.
(Or even a string of setbacks.)
Write down all that you feel is wrong.
Determine why you feel things have happened this way.
Then write down why you think each problem is unavoidable.
Write down why you feel each situation is intolerable.
Wait a bit...then go back and read your writing, and then consider
what you would say if that letter had been sent to you by another
person. What would you think of their desperation and
giving up? What advice or support would you offer, if the hurting
person were someone else responding this way?
Another task I would undertake is this;
Write down or envision a world you consider perfect.
What things would need to transpire to make this world so great?
Who is present? What are you like? What is happening?
What surrounds you?
What would it take to help you attain happiness, in your estimation?
Get quiet, go inside, be still and calm.
Block out all the noise and distraction of everyone else and their
drama and opinions. Get to the heart of the matter. What is really
Hang in there.