The Center of it All

After all the declarations, all the decisions to do better, all
the fear of losing loved ones or freedom, what is the one thing
that will truly save us in the end?

We must truly decide to Love ourselves.

This consists of many related decisions we have to make.

A true and abiding desire to care for self.
To do what will ensure better health and happiness.
To love self in a nurturing and devoted way.
To sacrifice instant gratification and past methods in favor of
    growing up and metting our own needs.

That's the only lasting and meaningful dedication I know
of that will make a difference.

There is much talk of doing for others in this country,
often to the detriment of self. All this codependency, all this
viewing of self as incomplete unto itself, all of the neediness
and dependence and need for others' approval is par
for the course, but it's dangerous and it's ultimately
unfulfilling and futile.

If you can't care for your self, you can't do for others.

Likewise, if you are dependent on others for esteem
and worth, you will ever be at the mercy of circumstance and
whims.

Self-sufficiency is the key.

Knowing and being true to self.
Being dedicated to mental and emotional and social and
physical health.
Putting one's own needs ahead of others' and not being a
doormat any longer.
Meeting your needs and doing what it takes to survive.

There is no morality required to quit drinking and drugging.

You need to know that you're worth the effort.
If you were never told, it's nonetheless true.

You are the center of your own universe, and there's
responsibility required to run that show.


***************************************

We Aren't Mindless

Think before you act.

How important is your future prosperity?

Do you see the connection between your choices and

the repercussions you face?

You are in control of what you say, do, respond to,

and dwell on.

Learn to be consciously connected to self and needs.

Consider and deliberate rather than continuing to

impulsively react.

The ability to do things differently is within you.

Are you willing to start loving yourself enough

to invest in smarter choices for your health?

*******************

Cause & Effect

There is a definite cause and effect in the Universe.
Things happen as a result of other things.


("Action, reaction, ....reaction again...chain reaction!"
goes a favorite 'Betty' song.)


If we only look at the fact that we have a problem with
drinking and drugging, where do we go from there?
Logic says 'To what caused the problem.'
What came prior.


Well, because we drank and drugged to excess, sure.
But before that.


Maybe we were drawn to the way it made us
   feel--or not feel.
Maybe it became a habit that just took on a life 
   of its own.
Maybe we found a desire to replicate that
   hypnotic, sluggish effect.


But before that.


Why did we desire to feel nothing?
Why do we want an oblivion?
Why do we feel incapable of handling the pain
and uncertainty of living and loving?
Why is the past so formidable?


"It's only fear that makes us run...
it's feelings that you're running from..."
Melissa Etheridge crooned.

There is a reason behind what we do.
Understanding this and dealing with the
reasons can help eliminate the desire to
continue the behavior.

Know thyself.

You Can Lead A Jackass To Water.....

After you have imparted everything you know to a person,
how much time is sufficient to devote to standing by them?
Continuing their education? Updating and renewing them?
Before setting them forth into the good night.

I had someone tell me I had been a 'waste of their time'
because I didn't comply with their particular ideals on how
to remain sober. That hurt a lot at first, but it's honest from
their perspective. It's fair that we get to decide who is and
isn't worthy of our time and attention.

And in the long run, the brutality did so much more to open
my eyes than any erstwhile friendship ever could have.

How many times do we let an active addict relapse and give
them comfort and care before cutting the strings with tough
love? How many chances do we give a child to learn a new
procedure before cutting them off at the knees? How many
times do we pretend compatibility when our efforts are being
wasted on someone who doesn't jive with us?

Life is 100% about survival; survival of the Fittest. There
are no second chances and there is no prize for second
place. So it's the natural order that we either sink or swim
on our own. We can't depend on kindness, compassion,
a handout or support in the scheme of things.

That's why the dismissal of this friend was the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.

Instead of giving me a fish, I was forced to go and learn to
fish on my own. If we truly want to help others, this is
precisely what we must do; cut the apron strings. Let it
work out on its own. We have to train others to be independent,
instead of making them dependent on us and our support.

Creating dependency of a new sort is just furthering the
addict mindset. Replacement and substitution do not make
for effective tools. Spiritual welfare is much less effective
than spiritual warfare.

We are alone. Forget humans being pack animals. Forget
the illusions of a society of liars and frauds. We've got what's
on our backs and in our hearts; nothing more, nothing less.

That's everything.

Cycle of Change

We may not always have a choice about some changes that
occur in our lives, but we do have choice over how we react
and what we do in the wake of change.

And, when we find ourselves stuck in an uncomfortable
status quo, we have the ability to ponder and advocate
our own changes when necessary.

But these most significant changes don't occur by chance;
careful meditation and planning goes on. We might have
contemplated and speculated for months or even years
before breaking free of the spell of the old in order to set
forth a new status quo.

And as it didn't occur by osmosis, neither with it maintain
on its own steam. Any worthwhile endeavor, including a
life well lived, cannot simply coast along. There has to be
attention paid, preparation and planning, difficult choices,
appreciation of our strengths and weaknesses, and a basic
understanding of why we do what we do.

Keeping focused and readying ourselves ahead of time
is a sure way to better combat the pitfalls of this crazy
ride. Not every day will support us, not every person
will like or love us, but at the core of it all has to be our
dedication to self and the goals we have.

Even if your goal is 'simply' to have the best day possible
for you, where you are at right now, that is more than
sufficient. That's everything.

If your goal isn't to be taking care of yourself, perhaps
it's time to examine what your goals are...or to get some.

We will always face obstacles and injuries; life is a
constant flow of change and adjustment. If we refuse to
be proactive and fluid, we will find ourselves at the
business end of decisions and choices, rather than the
one in charge of making them.

We can survive any number of problems, relapses,
mistakes, abandonment, and setbacks; we can survive
anything except perhaps giving up on ourselves.

Finding out...what is fake and...what is real

Even in you follow a spiritual path, it doesn't
mean that you have to be a passive wimp.

But at the end of the day, no matter what
you believe, there's only one person standing
between you and oblivion; You.

We are all of us warriors, not only capable of
defending and watching our for ourselves, but
implicitly designed for self-preservation. We are
expected to maintain our own personal welfare.

But we live in a world where people teach us
to be meek and accommodating and servile.
We are broken and domesticated and kept,
taught to bow to authority again and again.
Because to do so serves the greater 'good.'

We are all of us ultimately insignificant to
everyone but ourselves. So we have to learn the
methods for protecting ourselves.

We have to stand up to those who would
convince us that it is in our interest to give power
to another. That we have to become inactive
in our own fight, and simply 'wait and see.'
Because no one has a vested interest in your
well being or success except you. Nobody.

And the sooner we all accept that and learn
some good old fashioned American self-sufficiency
and toughen up, the better we'll be.

Because the world is rough and tumble, and it's
nothing personal, but it will devour you if you
aren't prepared. Inside every one of us is a
warrior, just waiting to be let out.

Don't let anyone intimidate you into thinking
that you don't have any power over your life...
or the right to exert it.

The Labyrinth of the Mind

Seems like every day I wake, I  find myself at Square One
all over again; there's just no holdover from any of the prior
day's learnings. I feel like an Etch-a-Sketch that's been
shaken and returned to the toy chest after an elaborate
masterpiece had been designed. D'oh.

But I am learning to get control of thoughts earlier on; focus,
discern, get control, make my choices, get active, remind
myself of my deservedness, and get off on the right foot.

Perhaps my biggest issue is getting out of the maze of
distracting thoughts in my head; all the dark places that
draw you in and keep you in their timeless limbos. This
is made more difficult by lack of structure and daily
routine (read; no job.)

I have tried to counter the negativity of no job by
filling my time with worthwhile and uplifting things.
In addition to the obvious looking for work (meetings,
interviews, job search sites, follow-ups, resumes,
independent work, etc.) I still walk, work out, write
my blogs and journal (tremendous help!), reading,
watching fun and light media junk when I can, stay
in touch with people on online support groups, work
on my other projects, help my Mom, and so forth.

Being productive and busy and constructive is
all well and good, but there are still those moments
(particularly late at night, in the bed, all alone) when
the morass of my brain wants to do me in.
Actually, I think all compulsively minded and addicted
people are 'naturally' self-destructive. Comes with
the territory.

Finding a way to combat that insidious worm of
negativity and doubt and sabotage is hardest when
I'm most vulnerable, such as tired, alone, depressed,
etc.   I do pretty well with putting my mind on what
is going well (and not what is hard or 'not to my
liking.') I also work at staying in the 'Now' and not
dwelling on the past. But it's work. Constant and
true....changing habits is hard work!

I am making a script for an audio tape I want
to record; it will be positive affirmations that are
played at the beginning and ending of my day. I
make the script when I am in my right mind--or
'up'--and then when I am having a slow go of it
or can't think of the tricks I learned in the past, I
will have easy access to a reminder.

I also like to post really positive or encouraging
True-isms on paper around the house. Wake me out
of a funk when I get distracted or worn down.
We all know it happens. We save up for a rainy day;
why not take precautions for our other needs?

Not every day is going to be stellar, no matter
how hard I try or how dedicated I am. I want some
reserves in place so I don't find myself going
back to those dark places. Whatever it takes
to win the war.

Peace and strength....