Addict-Think is Marshmellow Logic

Even when an out-of-control ego is the primary
underlying problem for an individual's bad behavior
and addictive/compulsive mindset, the logical
conclusion is not to surrender all self will!


This sort of extremist ping-ponging of positions
is typical of the all-or-nothing mindset of an addict.


Why not develop a little moderation?


Self-will is an aspect of the survival mechanism
inherent in all human beings. To dispose of this,
to subvert one's self to touchy-feely submissiveness,
is to sign your own death warrant.


Besides, I hardly think there can be only one
overriding factor in the reasons that people suffer
from addiction and behavioral neurosis. Again; the
attempt to over-simplify is really reaching for easy
fixes and pipe dreams....and setting one's self up for
relapse and failure.


Attempts to deny one's self; desire, need, want,
feelings, drive --in totality--(which is, of course, what
all religions promote, for their own good!) is the worst
possible advice for an addict.


Duplicity and suppression never work out well with us!


Self-control, moderation, balance, tempering, and
refraining from making a 'battle for the fate of a soul in
the lingering conflict between god and the devil' are
probably good places to start to heal a human being.


Extremism is the enemy of all addicts; putting additional
pressures and false notions into play are counter-productive
in recovery.


What sense does it make to go full tilt from maniacal
egotism and self-involvement to complete immersion in
selflessness (or at least the illusion of such?) Ever seen
the aftermath of fad dieting? Or cold turkey detox? Or
fanatical involvement in new thinking? It's a sure way to
fail.


Denying self is dangerous, unrealistic, and unhealthy.
It's also a big part of the problem that drove many addicts
to turn to drugs and alcohol to self-medicate in the first
place.


A healthy life is not achieved via unrealistic expectations.
Holy-rollers and promised-land salvation are just another
junkie high that is doomed to let us down in the long run.


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Not that different

Devil in the Details

There are, of course, different kinds of addicts.
As many different kinds as there are individual persons.
Treating us all with a blanket philosophy or a 'one-size-
fits-all' notion of assistance is doomed to fail.


Among the significant differences; not all addicts are
egotists. There's a vast disconnect between being
oblivious to others and thinking of one's self in positive
terms. The two are not the same.


Yes, many addicts have a superiority complex, are out for
themselves, suffer from grandiosity, are inconsiderate.
But just as many are shameful, demure, hypersensitive,
and self-loathing. Unlike the famous AA catch-phrase,
they don't necessarily coincide in the same host.


For those of us lacking self-confidence, there is need
to embrace and remind ourselves of our positive
traits and our abilities every day.


For those who have too long listened to the negative
voices of others (whether stranger or intimate other,)
there is a need to erase the influence of outside forces.


The moralizing and opining of those who wish you to
contour to their needs, their parameters, cannot serve
an individual. Each and every one of us has to determine
for ourselves what will work.

A broken system of subservience and castigation will
only reinforce the negative aspects of our self-medicating,
and continually make us weak and dependent.

The alternative is to discover one's strength, one's beauty,
one's capability in a way that will free you forever.

Just like every other choice of an addictive personality,
'what kind of recovery you desire' is an important one.

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Why AA doesn't work

Secular and Sober: Beating Alcoholism Without AA

In Like A Lion...(Forget the Rest!)

When it gets to be a bit much,

and you feel the stress growing

and your nerves fraying....

Take a moment, breathe,

and go deep.

Balance it out.

Put aside the horseshit.

Recognize the power you have.

Come back at it with a fresh take.

You have the power to take control

of every single aspect of your life.

Don't sell yourself out on what you can do!

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Get Into The Groove

Following step-daddy's recent departure, there was a
gathering of family at Mom's house, some time after the
nontraditional funeral.

(At the celebration of life that commenced on his own
property, one of the poor relations had quipped that she
wouldn't be attending since it would likely be nothing
but a drunken orgy. She was not missed, but she also
was not off mark on the drinking aspect. These folks can
pack it away like nobody's business.)

But at Mom's it was just a small, casual dinner and
meet, with the five of us. Still, the drinks were flowing
plentifully. Lite beers, Kahlua, wine, mixed drinks, and
everything in between.

In addition to the preponderance of alcohol, there was
still constant pushing of the booze, as if my sobriety and
umpteen reminders that I do not want to drink had never
occurred. That's a bit of an irritant, but I have gotten better
at not being flustered by it. My true issue with that is that
the main culprits involved are in fact aware that I am sober,
and it seems to be a game with them to try and get me to
partake. Or at the very least, they want to see if refusing
to acknowledge or respect my choice will upset me. Totally
not cool, but, also not worth getting excited about, so....

It's frustrating to be around folks who are acting like their
excessive drinking causes no side-effects, who are sort
of quietly defensive about their habits, and who are oblivious
to losing sight of such things as commanding all attention in
a room, forgetting how to close doors, and so forth.
Yes, I imagine this is what awareness feels like.

(Worth noting; this behavior is not particular to a period
of grieving; this is an all-year-long behavioral constant.)

So as drunks abound and your mother is reprising her role
as head critic of your every move--while heaping praise on
her new found family--I paused. Recognized the historical
nature of it all. All the personalities and animalistic nonsense.
The lack of importance of it all.

It was more difficult steering clear of the emotional and
head games than staving off any longing to drink. Other
than a momentary sense of being excluded from the group--
as the sole teetotaler--I was fine.

The shift of perspective from being 'tied in to what anyone
else thinks or does about me or to me,' to someone who
'is confident and complete within his own shell' is becoming
easier and easier to access, even in the most trying of
circumstances.

No matter the company, no matter the drama, no matter
the mindset, I still have absolute control over every one of
my choices and decisions. (And, had things been 'too much'
at the moment, I could always have left. There is nothing
I am obligated to endure, and certainly nothing worth the
sacrifice of my well-being!)

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