Love as a Weapon: 12 Step Got Game

We all tend to have a fantasy

about wanting others to care for us.

It can make us vulnerable

to expressed interest and grand overtures.

But if we stop and consider;

What kind of person would

ingratiate themselves to a stranger?....

How could someone truly care so much

for someone they don't know?....

What sort of person wants to take on

the responsibility for leading another person?...

In a children's tale, the answer might be

'a good person.'

But in reality, the answer is 'a sick person

who wants to play God.'.....

'Someone who is attempting to avoid their own life

while playing fast and loose with yours.'....

What things appear to be, and what they truly are...

they have as little to do with one another

as they ever did.

Street smarts tell us that if a person is too eager,

overly solicitous, too interested, then something is

wrong; they're conning you. And you'd be right.

What kind of person takes advantage of someone

at their lowest point, in order to feel better

about themselves and to promote an agenda?'Not a very good one.'

***

Paying it Forward..Obliviously

One of the non-working and dangerous aspects of 12-Step
program is the over-emphasis on abstinence without addressing
the real origins of the alcohol or drug dependence that spawned it.

Abstinence is a start; drying out is necessary for beginning healing.

But within Program, it's the distraction of meeting attendance that
ends up being the most viable 'support' for many. An endless
parade of forced smiles and pretenses of how 'great' things are.
Tepid and feigned fictions of wonderful lives, lest anyone think
we weren't "doing what we were told" or being in 'close enough
contact' with a God of other member's understanding.

Once more, the need for approval and acceptance leads to
compulsive pandering and pretending, which are at root of
most all addicts' true problems. AA and NA are an hourly
show-and-tell where members reinterpret their realities to
reflect 12 Step philosophy. "Look at me! See how well I can
recite and promote and jump through hoops?"

Raw emotion is not expressed; everything must be poured
through the filter of 'everything for a purpose,' learning to be
passive and self-less, and prostrating yourself before the
opinions and advice of others.

The format of the program rewards 'winners' and fitting in, and
therefore the need to reflect the wishes of others becomes a
necessity in order to receive the vaunted inclusion.

Neglecting truth is the expense of having a place to belong.

Avoiding our insides is what led us to darkness and despair
to start with. It's a pattern that must be broken.

**********************************************

Lonely is a Relative Term

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone  
- Green Day, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"


Taking a path that dares to venture apart from
the beaten one is difficult in many respects.

Others will berate you and deride you in an
attempt to puff themselves up and cover their
fear over the independence you exhibit (which
they lack.)

The manifestation of an individual path is
not pre-determined and therefore cannot be
graded or approved based upon the simple
and noted 'typical' way. Determining that
it is acceptable is a one-man (or woman) job;
yours.

People will always hate and fear that which
they do not understand.

Man is a beast of habit, ritual, and comfort.
He veers towards the lit and easy path, and
seeks those who reflect his own visage.

Just know that the unexpectedness of a
'less beaten path' is part of the benefit of it.
The discovery, the strength, the awareness
of learning how much you are capable of
without the scraps or pittances of other
people is truly liberating.

Take the first step. Believe in yourself, today.

************************************

Attendance Requirements

If you are the right type of person..
(the right race, the right sexual orientation...
the right political affiliation, the right religion, ....)


If you take orders well and acquiesce to mob rule...


If you fit into our clique or are willing to realign yourself
so that you can fit....


If you think shame and authoritarian rule are good lessons
to live by...

If you want to claim responsibility while passing it off
onto fairy tales and invisible friends.....

If you want to ignore your own problems by virtue of
putting your unqualified nose in other people's business...


If you like being dismissed and tolerated instead
of being loved and accepted....


If you want to substitute one addiction for another...


If you enjoy compartmentalizing your life...


If you want to talk endlessly about alcohol and drug
abuse and revel in your glory days...


If you want to pose and posture condescendingly
and exert control over sad, sick, vulnerable folks...


there is a special place for you in the 12 Step Universe!


Come get your brain washed today!
You lucky, lucky, lost soul, you!


***********************************

A Well-Dressed Lie is Still a Lie

People who are invested in
fanatically avoiding
coping with their own reality
are not capable of
helping you address yours.

But they will tell you otherwise,
through clenched, toothy smiles
laden with denial and syrupy,
false dogma.

JUST DEAL WITH IT!

******************************

PSA: Sexual Predators in 12 Step

It's not the rarity or exception they'd like you to believe.

"BEWARE OF  SEXUAL
PREDATORS IN THE
DONALSONVILLE AA"


No, that's not quite right...
Cuz they like to travel to Dothan, Alabama in
particular for a college town's high rate of
alcoholic, nubile, vulnerable, fresh meat...
all those confused young men and women
ready to equate being mauled by an authority
figure with acceptance and love.


"BEWARE OF SEXUAL
PREDATORS FROM
DONALSONVILLE AA"


That's a little more inclusive, but
certainly there's no shortage of
unwilling victims being seduced/
manipulated/used/targeted right
here in Donalsonville, too.  Hmmm...
how to get the message out?


"BEWARE OF SEXUAL
PREDATORS IN AA and
other 12 Step CULTS"


The religious and conformity-based
institution is made up largely of the
worst of the worst; still-compulsive
and lurid members of the self-hating
throngs of denial-based and excuse-
ridden underbelly of the world.


Where better to go--and stay and thrive--
than a place that excuses and covers up
indiscretions, and gives a sense of power
to those most willing to engage in mind
games and dualities?


AA seeks first and foremost to cover
its own ass and continue its illusion of
assistance, even amidst a flurry of
controversy and problems. They are
not concerned about the protection and
welfare of individual members (especially
if being abused by more contributing
long-term members,) but rather are
concerned solely with the reputation and
continuity of the group and organization
as a whole.


I wouldn't send a child or a friend of
mine to these dangerous, clueless bastards.


BEWARE OF SEXUAL
PREDATORS IN AA AND
12 STEPS. GAINING YOUR
UNDESERVED TRUST
UNDER THE RUSE OF
CARING IS HOW THEY ARE
EFFECTIVE.


Just like in the 'real world,' it's the ones
who seem most consumed with appearing
decent and perfect who have the biggest
demons to hide. Don't believe the lie.


**********************************

Stuck in the Middle With Me

It's been a helluva year.

I've been under-employed and un-employed for most of it,

made a full and final break from all things 12 Step, and

got a true understanding of who's there to support me

in the end.

I have withdrawn from most relationships,

I lost 3 friends and one of my babies to death,

my mother and 3 others

close to her are suffering from dementia, and

I'm penniless.

I'm gaining weight at an astonishing pace,

I have more illnesses that have popped up and the

existing ones were exacerbated, I was

hospitalized for emergency treatment, and I have

been on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Repeatedly.

But though it all I have become stronger and more

resilient.

I have grown to know myself and understand the

world better.

I have lessened my demands on what I need

of life, and given myself more respect and love.

And I never once gave in to the temptation to

use drink or other drugs to medicate, for

which I am very happy and proud.

All the hardships and disappointments and betrayals

are just like the pains and ailments and aches;

they are part of the whole experience.

Not a favored part, but a real part.

I choose not to let it color my experience of the whole,

but I also embrace them as a necessary

aspect of the entire being, the entire experience.

I don't think it's about trying to maintain some super-cool,

perfunctory, mega-disciplined, tooth-revealing perma-smile,

holier-than-thou, perfectionist falsehood.

Life just is.

No demons or angels or divine interventions.

It's messy and strange and horrible and fucked up.

There are moments of profound happiness, relief,

maybe even joy, but it isn't the norm. And anyone

who tells you otherwise I think has some serious issues

with reality or truth.

I'm good how I am.

I'm good where I am.

I'm happy as I am.

No longer do I require an external source for my

contentment or validation.

There's no room in me for any one or any

thing that doesn't support and validate me.

I'll take every single consequence that

such a bold action offers.

********************************