Thursday, June 23, 2011
The Right Foundation
In order to become whole, I have to rid myself of conditional
love, self-doubt, and living for the approval of others.
I may need a connection to the world, but my primary
connection must be to the needs of my real self--someone
I have more often than not avoided and ignored entirely
through the years.
Survivors of childhood abuses proliferate the addiction
and recovery scene.
Most of us come from alcoholic/addict households.
Most of us come from shaming and dysfunctional
Most of us come from some form of emotional,
physical, sexual, or other abuse.
There is a deep and abiding connection between one thing
and the other. Our addictive nature, our compulsive living,
is not only chemical addiction; it is a learned self-abuse and
lack of self love addiction.
There are common denominators between all these
survived phenomena; all of us kids-in-adult-bodies.
These issues don't go away from being dry
or going cold turkey. Being clean does not stop;
-Looking out for the needs of others ahead of ourselves
-Indecisiveness, inability to make decisions, passivity
-Being drawn to abusive people/situations (including
-Being really gullible or really untrusting
-Constant emotional highs and lows
-Difficulty with intimate relations; tendency to sabotage
when things become 'regular'
-Difficulty holding down jobs
....and so much more....
Our use of external medications comes from a deep place
of hurt that wants to be avoided. If we focus primarily on
the external 'problem,' we don't heal ourselves; we merely
shift from one toxic supplement to another (sexing,
workaholism, religious fervor, fanaticism, etc.)
It's all the same thing.
These things aren't solved by dogma or suppressing self in
order to become more like everyone else.
The need of a repressed and undeveloped soul is to discover self,
love self, express self....not perform and win approval of others.
Most of us are rebuilding people from the ground up.
Be sure you start with the right foundation.