Who's Responsible for ME?

So who is responsible for me?

I am.

No one and no thing besides me.

Not parents, siblings, children.

Not lovers, friends, coworkers.

Not some cosmic entity.

If I deign to put expectation and need

on some external relationship, or

feel compelled to be in a certain place

at a certain time for a certain number of nights,

or depend upon a specific person to

be there for me or hold the answers....

I am relinquishing control over my own life and destiny.

I am allowing myself held hostage to the whims of others

and putting myself at the mercy of being provided

my value or my sobriety by outside matters.

Even depending on an external 'Higher Power'

only allows me to sidestep responsibility.

If I ask for help from this cosmic Santa Claus, and

feel no relief, or am awaiting fate to intervene with

a good enough 'coincidence'/spiritual assistance,

I am saying I have an excuse for doing something

self-destructive if those conditions are not met.

I am at the mercy of 'whatever happens.'

If I need someone to answer the phone

or return a call or be willing to help me

in order to stay sober or clean or sane, then

I am choosing to be powerless rather than

finding my own intrinsic strength and spirit

to survive and thrive.

Using a group or a person or a 'source' or any

kind as a crutch means we are still not spotlighting the

need for self-care. We are avoiding. We are still

looking for externals to solve our problem, which

is the very nature of addiction to.

My problem is self-destructive choices.

Choosing to be dependent upon unreliable sources

is about the most self-destructive, delusional

sabotage I can imagine.

I can have people in my life

as supplemental support,

and I can choose to be helpful and supportive

to others. But when I make a religion

out of those notions, I choose dependence...

and the likelihood of going back out.

Instead, I choose to take control,

observe my power, and maintain my independence.

Powerlessness is a state of mind, not a reality.

We are what we live.

Choose your words, your actions, and your

surroundings wisely.

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