So who is responsible for me?
No one and no thing besides me.
Not parents, siblings, children.
Not lovers, friends, coworkers.
Not some cosmic entity.
If I deign to put expectation and need
on some external relationship, or
feel compelled to be in a certain place
at a certain time for a certain number of nights,
or depend upon a specific person to
be there for me or hold the answers....
I am relinquishing control over my own life and destiny.
I am allowing myself held hostage to the whims of others
and putting myself at the mercy of being provided
my value or my sobriety by outside matters.
Even depending on an external 'Higher Power'
only allows me to sidestep responsibility.
If I ask for help from this cosmic Santa Claus, and
feel no relief, or am awaiting fate to intervene with
a good enough 'coincidence'/spiritual assistance,
I am saying I have an excuse for doing something
self-destructive if those conditions are not met.
I am at the mercy of 'whatever happens.'
If I need someone to answer the phone
or return a call or be willing to help me
in order to stay sober or clean or sane, then
I am choosing to be powerless rather than
finding my own intrinsic strength and spirit
to survive and thrive.
Using a group or a person or a 'source' or any
kind as a crutch means we are still not spotlighting the
need for self-care. We are avoiding. We are still
looking for externals to solve our problem, which
is the very nature of addiction to.
My problem is self-destructive choices.
Choosing to be dependent upon unreliable sources
is about the most self-destructive, delusional
sabotage I can imagine.
I can have people in my life
as supplemental support,
and I can choose to be helpful and supportive
to others. But when I make a religion
out of those notions, I choose dependence...
and the likelihood of going back out.
Instead, I choose to take control,
observe my power, and maintain my independence.
Powerlessness is a state of mind, not a reality.
We are what we live.
Choose your words, your actions, and your