The Real Deal

Been a rough, rough couple of weeks;
lots of pressure from various points,
building to a point of....well, that's the
$64,000.00 question.

What comes next?

I'm at a frustration point where the
shit is hitting the fan. The point where
all the work and efforts seem to mean
nothing, and fate or reality (or whatever
you want to call Raw Life) are buffeting
me at every turn.

I would like to run away.
I would like to take a drink (for the first
  time in a long time.)
I would like an easy out.
I would like to do whatever it takes to stop
   feeling all this pain, angst, and confusion.

But I know that none of that will change
anything for the better. And so I stand firm.

None of those self-destructive courses of action
will do anything beneficial for me in the least.

This is the part of the story where I have to
pull up my boot straps and get loaded for bear,
because being conscious and ready and 'Doing
What I Can' are the only tools I have.

Like all of us, I have my test of fire to endure.

It's frightening, it's hard, it's confusing, but no
fantasies or false promises will alter that in any
way. It's just the way of the world, and there
are some times that are darker than others.

I wish there were someone listening to prayer.
I wish being good brought good back on you.
I wish things were clear and easy and discernible.
I wish people were reliable and true.
I wish distractions equalled solutions and peace.

But I am no longer a child, and such wishful
thinking is counter-productive and disabling.
We sink or swim on our own, and by our own
power. We either figure it out or suffer the
consequences for not knowing.

I know I'll be fine, despite not knowing
where the journey is heading. But seeing
things as they really are and trudging through
the raw emotions is tough.

That's not regret...it's not refusal...it's not
worry. Just an acknowledgement that I'm
feeling the fear, and moving on anyway.

I choose not to go backwards, and I know
that I am capable of doing whatever I need to.

I am strong enough to endure whatever
comes my way.

I never knew that before.

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Sharing Our True Selves

There's life inside, waiting to be set free....

Our happiness is proportionate to how true
we are, how genuine in expressing our selves.

If we have courage in looking, in seeing, in
expressing, we will find answers.

Life will start to happen in ways simple and
amazing.

It doesn't have to be intricately dissected
and put in a box or labeled. It can just be
lived, wide open, by the seat of your pants.

"Courage is not the absence of fear.
It is acting in spite of it." - Mark Twain


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Know Your Worth

It's always a losing game when you depend on
anyone outside of self to puff up your ego!

We all have to know our own worth, independent
of all others.

Don't give your power away!

Don't allow others to determine your value or
your limits.

Whenever anyone wants you to put your fate
in their hands (which is precisely what the sickies
in AA/NA try to convince you to do,) there's always
a catch, and it can never end well.

Don't fall victim to Intimidation tactics.

Don't let others catch you up in their Shame-based
thinking.

Don't get tricked into doubting yourself.

Don't let others' Authoritative game-playing
manipulate you into listening to their spiel.
People who want control and influence over you
are NOT out for your good! No matter how pretty
they smile or how much they claim otherwise.

Don't be naive. Your well-being can't afford It.

People-pleasing and 'fitting in' is a losing proposition
for those with addiction and compulsivity issues.


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"Of All the Crazy Horse Shit!"

In Programming, they say

"like, WOW! What better place to find comfort and

help with sickness than a bunch of other sickies?"

Uh, EXCUSE ME! REALITY CHECK calling!

Pretty much anywhere!!!

Why on earth would other sick people

be the source for sanity and reason?

Of healing?

(some sicker by far; usually the sickest ones of all

stick with AA the longest, so deeply troubled and needy

and controlling and ego-ridden are they, ever-anxious to

sink their fangs in a new stray.)

You wouldn't ask a dying person how to get well from

a real disease.

You wouldn't ask another broken down car for a jump.

Even if some are actually doing what they say they are doing,

(and how would you actually know which sociopath to trust!)

all of those pronounced character defects

(lying, cheating, thieving, egotism, maniuplation,

sadism,  selfishness) are just under the surface ready

to pop up and sucker-punch you.

And since it's just like the Catholic Church up in there;

all they have to do is wax apologetic AFTER an infraction

and they're 'good to go.'

Nobody's worried one damned bit about your welfare.

So, as always, you better do it for yourself.

And that includes the foresight of

being cautious with whom you trust.

Why would you put faith or trust in a group of

folks that celebrate their brokenness,

promoting themselves as powerless and wretched and sick?

Dig out from under that rock.

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A (Not-So) new idea

If you put good thoughts in,

you get good thoughts out.

Simple enough, right?

But where do your good thoughts come from?

Do you supply them yourself, or

do you depend on others or places

or circumstance to receive them?

Are your good thoughts contingent upon

the approval or acceptance of outside forces?

You are intrinsically good and deserving.

Let no one convince you otherwise.

Love is not something to be doled out only

when behavior is deemed 'appropriate.'

Be your own best source of comfort and joy.

All others are fickle souls who will

use your looking to them for support as means of

manipulation and control.

No one can love you like you can yourself.

Learn how today.

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Fitting In Vs. Being Fit

You know, lots of folks thought the world was flat.
  But some folks were smart enough to know it was round.
  (And brave enough to stand up and say so.)

Some folks think religion is a great idea.
  But some folks see it for the cancer it is, causing far
  more harm than good.

Lots of folks are hooked into believing the disease model
of alcohol and drug addiction.

They want you to Believe that "Being and Alcoholic"
(or an "Addict")  is not just A part of you, but that it IS
you, on a cellular, spiritual, unavoidable level.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Yes, alcohol has a physical addiction component.
But it is not Your Identity. It is not a demon that has
control over you. You are not powerless.

All of that outdated fairy tale hogwash is the most
unscientific, dangerously voodoo crap that the modern
world has ever heard...and yet people have fallen for it.

And now it is such a Monster of a Culture, that those
who know better are afraid to speak up, for fear of
being squashed by the bullying majority with their
intimidation and spin control.

Don't be intimidated.

If you know the truth, don't let the Monolith that is
12 Step force feed you a glass of fear and loathing.

Love yourself and Reason enough to stand against
the lies. Your well being--and others'--depends on it.

What you put IN is Destined to come OUT

Some places say they don't like expectations
because they set us up for failure. I agree.

So let's address just some of the expectations
of 12 Step groups; that you must subscribe to
their 'philosophy' of not being worth much, of
having addict/alcoholic be Your Identity, of
being Needy of others (and a Great Big Sky-
Daddy) in order to muddle through life happy
or sober.

Those are some pretty crazy, pretty stringent,
pretty debilitating expectations, and they don't
seem all that designed to foster personal strength. Hmmnnn...imagine that!

A group that must make you dependent on it
in order to survive;
*  using shame to manipulate and control
*  beating down your self worth
*  promoting self-doubt
*  promoting dependence on them and them alone
*  deriding all other answers as false
*  tricking you into thinking you are without power

Don't buy the hype!
Know your worth!

Be free of self-defeating thoughts and the people
who would like you to subscribe to them.

Shame-based 'Recovery' is just another addiction
to something 'forever and ever.' Be free.

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