A Better Way

So some folks asked me about what the true purpose of the blog
is, noting that I kind of switch around on my focus (according to
them!) As a big fan of clarity, I took that as opportunity to
address the matter!

My purpose for the blog is pretty simple, even if multi-pronged
in its approach. All the motivations are related.

1.) I want to share my experience of maintaining sobriety and
what my experience with life as a sober person is like. Share my
trials, and methods for overcoming issues.

2.) I want to chronicle the specific problems inherent in AA
and my experiences with the cult. This is one part cathartic
release, but even more importantly is the need to warn people
about the dangers of that group. They cause real harm, and
not just in the short term. The truth needs exposing, and the
unscientific and hazardous approach to addiction needs to
be condemned as the fraudulent huckstering that it is.
  Many are afraid to speak up against the monopoly and mystery
of AA and its members; I'm not. I want to warn off anyone
who isn't going there and keep them safe.

3.) As much as there needs to be recovery from alcohol
and drug addiction, there also needs to be recovery from
involvement from the indoctrination and insanity of a 12-Step
program. Lots of misinformation that needs countering, lots of
damage to be undone.

All these things are interconnected and equally important to me.

In this country (America) in particular, there is still sort of a
hands-off mentality in regards to staying quiet about what 'other
people' do in terms of religion and spirituality and other such
secretive, personal practices. But therein lies the dilemma.

AA preaches that it/they are not a religion, while in fact
operating as one. Misdirection # 1. They then want to operate in
obscurity and draw no attention to themselves, yet they have
infiltrated virtually every corner of treatment and court referral
system in the world. This isn't a deserved status symbol of
earned renown. This is an outright obfuscation of the reality
of how little AA works.

Because they say they are well-intentioned and have existed
for so long, people want to give automatic credit to them and
seem to want to look away and allow them dominance over
hurting people with addiction. At the expense of all other
venues (i.e., rational, science-based actual recovery plans,)
AA is promoted and endorsed ad nauseum.

With a less than 5 % 'success rate' going for it.

Can you imagine any other group or organization in the
world having the hubris to say they have The Answer when
their own statistics provide proof of abysmal failure?
They'd be jailed for fraud. But because religion and
'God' talk enter the picture, AA is given a free pass.

Addiction is a horrible and insidious plague throughout
the world, and so is religion. Forcing a fictitious idea
down innocent people's throats in order to spread a
religious agenda is evil. It also is unforgivably cruel
and unprofessional to avoid actually treating suffering
people with addictions.

To spread the lie of helplessness and promote the
falsehood of magical beings that will answer your prayers
is incalculably insane. It takes away personal responsibility
and places emphasis on a new addiction.

So, to recap;
*I CAN DO IT (and so can you!)
*GOD CAN'T DO IT FOR YOU (cuz he's busy not existing)
*I THINK I'LL TELL PEOPLE THE TRUTH

Don't complicate it; they're all three important, and they
coincide. No reason they can't coexist.

There is such a thing as coincidence, Let your rational mind
burn away all the crazy talk of demons and fates and chosen
people; Just live.

**********************************************

LEST Old Acquaintance Be Forgot...

Remember this night, should temptation and distance of

past embarrassments cloud your judgements...

that there is nothing that can be bettered by

imbibing of the booze.

In fact, your impaired judgement can make you

duly susceptible to tons more problems, difficulties,

worries, and headaches come the cold hard light

of day.

All the work of reputation, standing, effort, progress,

and pride done away in just the flick of a wrist.

So be fore-warned and fore-armed.

It's just another night; it isn't made or broken

by drinking. You can do this; you're not susceptible to

peer pressure any more.

And remember that it isn't all fun and games.

There are real life consequences, to you,

your friends, and people who deserve better than what

they get for simply being on the road next to a drunk.

Think.

Do the right thing.

Care for yourself and others.

Surround yourself with the right people and things.

Don't give in to pressure;

be true to you.

Have a safe and happy one.

**********************

Skin Deep

"I feel Fine...My Special Friend wiping it all clean, honey!"

excerpted from a Final Project paper

(Inner Vision and Synchronicity)

by Russell D. Heiland, Jr.

In August 1915, Unity magazine reprinted an article entitle
“Exploring the Soul and Healing the Body,” written by philosopher
Max Eastman that was originally published in Everybody’s
Magazine.  The article discussed the new field of healing
called “Psycho-analysis,” which, in Eastman’s words:

…means analysis of the soul, or mind.  And the theory of it is
that countless numbers of diseases that we call nervous, or
mental, and countless others that we do not name at all, are
caused by desires which dwell in our minds without our
knowing they are there; and that if we can be made clearly
aware of these desires, their morbid effects will disappear

(Eastman, 1915).  N.B. italics in text
((end excerpt))

**********************************************

We can call any number of problems disease, but that does not
make the addressing of them any more effective by having done so.

Nor does isolating and emphasizing a particular element of trauma
erase other elements that cause due pain.

Life is a fully-connected experience.
One aspect of self cannot be dissected independent of another.
We are emotional, sexual, physical, spiritual, intellectual human
beings.
Each plays a part, and each must be addressed.

To suppress or segregate not only avoids detection and treatment
of initial difficulties, it creates further difficulties which will have to
be dealt with at a later date.

Caring for our inner dilemmas is not done by wishing and thinking
and hoping it will be done--if some fairy tale deems it suitable.
No, it's active, aggressive, specific dealing with reality as it is;
warts and all.

**********************************************

"Here's Your Sign"

There was a tool in Programming who carried a smug condescension
around like it was a bag of gold. He was never at a loss for advice-giving
(requested or otherwise) and really was oblivious to how the rest of the
world lives.

He had this 'thing' he said, incessantly, mantra-like, annoyingly predictable;

"I wish for anyone that they would hit their bottom and be devastated,
like I was, so that they can be made ready to understand what I did and
become teachable to use this Program."

Lot's of problems there, but for starters, this douche was embedded in a
duplicitous existence where his fanatical Jesus-fest ramblings only served
to cover his dual life's continuous wrong-doing. (Not an abnormal event
in 12 Step, where compliance at any cost leads to people feigning trans-
formation for the sake of social acceptance and authoritarian reward.)

But the audacity of wishing for others to have desperation and trouble
is what always absolutely floored me. This doof didn't have any emotional
connection to anyone else's pain and suffering for love or money; he just
wanted to witness what he saw as a prime opportunity to get his hooks in
somebody new (particularly if they were a hot young man.) It was an
offensive and ridiculous statement, and he was clueless as to how bad it
looked for him to be 'wishing' suicidal thoughts, dissolution of marriage,
homelessness, and other tragedies on strangers.

There's also an insidiously smug presumptuousness that, following said
desired tragedies, HIS way would be the way that people chose to go.
Funny how he saw (and continues to see) his choices as the only viable ones.
Ego McEgoish egoically egoes on egoing ego-ego.

There is also the question of how much of a bottom, if any, was
actually ever discovered by Super Freak, since he's known to be a
pathological liar. The chances of his 'jailhouse conversion' story being
truthful in any degree (including the question of incarceration)
are spectacularly low. And, considering that he continues to operate
in such an outlandishly inappropriate fashion shows he still has a
boatload to learn. What bottom was that again? What exactly was
learned?

Finally, the fact that his 'recovery' was a sham and a manipulation to
convince others to have something to do with him is not the least of the
infractions. You can promote a falsehood with enough fanaticism to make
the whole world believe and follow you, but if nothing true exists behind it,
it's still a falsehood.

After issuing one of his many dictates for me to "GET THE FUCK OUT
OF AA AND NEVER COME BACK!", the foaming at the mouth Super
Christian added that "AA is all I have to offer." No, my dear friend, you
have Fraudulence, Manipulation, Lies, and Illusion...not to mention Hurt.
Those are your gifts, and if there were truly a God out there, it would strike
you down before you could cause any more harm.

But alas.....

Nonetheless, you have been caught, revealed, and exposed. What others
choose to believe or do with it is up to them. I won't wish them being
vivisected by you as a means to coming to terms with reality. Knowing you
is already hitting a bottom.

****************************************************

Overdue Thanks

So it is with no sense of irony that I set out to
give a proper and public "Thank You" to the
esteemed members of AA and NA (most notably
of the Donalsonville, Georgia area specifically.)

When I entered your rooms, I was still
impishly naive and fence-sitting on the whole
matter of cosmic relevance and destiny and deities...
oh, my! Yes, I was a wishy-washy agnostic from
way back.

And I did as I was told to find that (fictional) bliss
that you showcased and touted. I followed the
route to purported purpose which was, as you
told me repetitively, only available through your
means.

And as I caught you in continuous lie after lie,
and discovered the sham of Programming for
what it is, I also discovered (finally) another
fundamental Truth, although not the one hoped
for.

I am now utterly and unabashedly aware that
there is nothing more to life than that which is
in front of us. The physical plane, the real deal,
the bittersweet rhapsody of painful existence.
Atheism is a blessing of awareness and awakening
to the reality that persists despite dreamy protestations.

There is no God or higher power or 'something
greater than I.' There are no angels. There is no
higher purpose. There are no happy coincidences.
There are no conversions or answered prayers or
blessings or any other fairy tales come to  life.

The mythology of 'God' and 'Jesus' and whatever
other contrivances for avoiding reality and responsibility
are as rich and textured as the best TV show, but
no more accurate or legitimate than, say, The Simpsons
are a real family.

No more pretending.
No more holding my tongue to respect others' fragility.
No more allowing others' delusions to dominate.
No more deferring to others and accepting their fantasy.
No more vagueness or uncertainty.

Thank You, truly, for shedding light on my dilemma,
and erasing all doubt which once held me captive.

*************************************

Don't Let Them Tell You What You Have

"A weak heart don't mean Shit, Haterz!
Fear, get thee behind me...chicken plucker!"

So, apparently heartbeats are supposed to be a pretty
standard number of beats per minute, or things get
dicey. Not a lot of room for individuality and 'coloring
outside the lines' with the particulars of a beating heart.

I first knew I had heart issues almost 2 years ago now,
but had been unable to find any heart specialists in the
area who would treat me. A trip to the E.R. on Monday
evening solved that prob. I started having a jack-
hammer pounding of my heart (followed by a lack of
beats!) and dizziness and nausea and trouble with
breathing. I did a lot of focused and concentrated
breaths and meditation to keep my alarm from
worsening the sitch, and got myself ready to go
downtown, where I then asked for an ambulance.

It took about 24 hours to get my heart 'shocked'
back into rhythm (as they called it)--getting it
recalibrated to a normal heart rate.

It was a really good feeling to be able to tell people
when they asked that I was not on any drugs or
alcohol (which, by the way, seemed to cause
much doubt, since PCP or cocaine were the # 1
guesses for what could get a rate so elevated, it
seems!) When the nurse reported the next day
that EVERYthing had come back clean, she
seemed more shocked than my poor weak heart!

It felt good to proudly state that I was clean, and
not have to worry or fudge or question. It was a
tremendously pure flush to know that I had not
done anything to cause my difficulty. ('course, that
just means the cause is now not clear cut...
but I digress!)

In the hospital room, I had moments where the
severity of the situation--the scariness of your
own heart and lungs not doing their most basic
functions--was frightening and verged on whelming.
I caught myself, refused to give in to drama or
franticness or speculation. It was happening, it was
reality, there was no point in hand-wringing or
imagination or hyperbole. It was as legit
and as simple as any other thing on the planet.

I dried my own tears, I made my own plans, I
resigned myself to what it was, and I worked on
keeping what emotions and feelings I had clear,
understood, and focused. What I needed was there,
and what was there I didn't need.

I also had some of my faith in humanity restored,
as these strangers treated me like royalty, knowing
up front that I had no insurance nor income. The
staff at Southeast Alabama Medical Center were
phenomenal; much Love, y'all.

In every situation, no matter the obstacle or
the fear, we can find a strength and a calm that
alleviate it. Know yourself, see through to what's
real, and persevere.

Peace, Rob

*********************************************

At Peace With Alone

In the vastness of this Universe,
from cradle's empty security to

deathbed's icy grip,

we are all of us alone.

Inextricably, undeniably,

irrefutably alone.

There is but one thing,

one energy,

one person

in all the expanse of life

upon which we can rely;

Self.

To distract one's self with

temporary forays or beautiful illusions

is to lie to your best friend.

To imagine that anyone will do for you,

or support your vision,

or reach out to your pain,

is to commit to fantasy

rather than reality.

We are complete unto self.

Our aloneness is a gift.

We can revel in all we have to offer

and all we have to accomplish

and all we have to experience;

no assistance, no permission,

no acceptance, no tolerance

is required.

If you aren't strong, don't worry.

None of us are born that way.

This world indoctrinates and

beats us into submission

from the moment we sprang forth.

Strength is in us,

but it must be cultivated,

discovered, excavated.

You better see fit to find that strength

sooner rather than later.

Depending on a faulty outside source

(which is about the best thing you can say

regarding fallible, weak, deceptive,

wishy-washy humans)

is a set-up for failure.

Cut to the chase;

depend entirely upon self.

You'll never have to worry,

regret, second-guess, or be

blind-sided by where your faith

has been placed.

There's only one True Friend

that stands by you to the end;

look in the mirror,

dig inside,

and discover them today.

************