A journey to embrace, explore, and honor the Freedom and Power inherent in active recovery.

No more shame...

No more shackles....

No more secrets.

The path--and the Power--are within. Be Free.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

What sort of 'Friends' demand blind obedience?

Typically in groups of any sort, there is a prevailing
politic of 'acceptable behavior' and a specific mindset
that all are expected to maintain in order to be viewed
as  a 'part of' the group.
The maintenance of this common framework, or common
thinking, is crucial to the maintenance of the group's
integrity. One thing that is absolutely forbidden in such
a system is the asking of questions. Asking questions and
thinking independently are anathema to group think.

When questions start to arise in 12 step program, will
you follow group members' lead and silence or ignore
them? Or will you do due diligence and investigate
thoroughly for the sake of your well-being?
Questions like how much support would there be for you
if you left the program?
Or why is it that former members are spoken of with
such disdain?
What sort of 'helpers' tell you that you WILL drink, you
will get sick, and you will die if you leave their care?

Or deliver a message of lacking --proclaiming that you
cannot accomplish being well on your own?
(The easy answer is that it's people who care more for
their message and ideas than they do the actual people
receiving it.)

Real friends are glad for one of their own to graduate
to a better place, to move on in life to bigger and better
things...a normal, healthy part of life.

Healthy people recognize there are many different paths
to success, not a single, suffocating, stilted one.
Only sick people cling and condemn, become surly
when someone acts against their wishes. Only sick
people want to maintain control, and, barring that,
dismiss and maliciously gossip about someone they
'cared so deeply for' not too long ago.
Why would someone who cares for you Curse your
endeavors without them, rather than wish you all the
best and value your time with them?
(Remember; we often overlook obvious answers because
they're not easy or comfortable ones. Trust your gut.)

"Would such a person take your call if you needed a
shoulder? Or would you get their cold one?"
The only time that questions are found ill-fitting in
therapeutic settings (legitimate ones, mind you) is
when there is no answer to be given, or when the
answers don't fit the agenda of the 'care' providers.
Transparency is a must with all wellness efforts and recovery.
"Just shut up and do it" or "Stop thinking" are irresponsible,
unhealthy means to an end ...but not a beginning.

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