Thursday, March 3, 2011
I think one of the things that happened for me, as someone whose
life has been RULED by emotional influence, is that I was so
wrapped up in emotionalism that I never 'noticed it' as a pattern.
When I did, I thought it was just 'who I was.'
I have been consumed by grief, despair, loneliness...and built up a sort of
identity around that; assuming these things were FACTS that could not be
avoided, controlled, managed, or sublimated. "Oh well....it seems like there's
no point, so I guess That's That!" I am amazed at how long I was stuck in that
Now I know the truth; I don't have to give in to a feeling!
If an emotion is harmful, I can change or ignore it.
I do not have to pack my van and leave a home every time I start to feel
I do not have to give up on a job or school or program just because I FEEL
overwhelmed or panicked or worthless...for the moment.
I do not have to pledge my undying love to someone just because I FEEL
like they hung the moon.
I can take it all like everything else; One Day At A Time. Knowing that;
This Too, Shall Pass!
I know now that I am not a prisoner to what I feel, even though
I allowed myself to believe so for so long. I am able to start making
progress on becoming a whole person. I have used sources like
Melodie Beattie's "Codependent No More" and Eric Butterworth's
excellent work with "Healing Hurt/Forming Relationships" as great
tools for getting me to understand how to start being a normal human being,
since that is more responsibility than most sponsors sign up for!
I have started to say goodbye to extremism; Ending relationships
when someone says an unkind word once......quitting a job over an unjust
practice.....disregarding people when their opinions differ from my own, etc.
Today I have the 10 second Rule down pat. Hardly anything needs my
interference, and when it does, I can respond calmly.