Wednesday, July 13, 2011
I have been trying a bit of a new tactic this last week or so,
involving sort of a 'fast-food' meditation and focus technique.
I reduce everything to brass tax, most urgent need, and just
do what I can moving forward...while remaining conscious
of the need for flexibility and flow.
As a result, the inordinate details that normally flood my
OCD brain are less evident (and I dismiss them adamantly
when they assert themselves) and I have been less stressed.
Less stressed, even as the reality of illness, pain,
joblessness, imminent homelessness, uncertainty,
poverty, being a small cog (circumstantially,) and
deteriorating world conditions loom large. I am
focused on being at peace, not letting the specifics
bog me down.
I am learning emotional detachment from the negative,
and that it has a place in things. Without becoming
numb or isolating. That's crucial for me.
No. Big. Deals.
And I have continued to do what I can and take steps
to take care of business. Encouraging myself, being my own
best friend, no longer expecting things of other people,
realizing my strength in the midst of any situation...these
have all given me a better sense of accomplishment
at the end of the day. I am more realistic about my needs,
wants, and goals.
As I worry less about meeting expectations (either mine
or others,) I am finding more freedom to get through the
day, and, (perhaps not surprisingly) a greater peace.
I end up getting done what needs to get done.
I am powerful. But I don't need to be caught up in hardly
any of what I worry about. I relinquish the world's shame
and demands of me. I will attend to my own needs this day.
I will do what I can for another. That is a powerful thing.
And the more I focus on doing for myself, the less I
ever even consider the possibility of drink or drug. My
mind is filled with other cares, my body knows what is
good for it, my spirit wants strength and freedom.