If you're following a path prescribed by
thousands of other 'like-minded' individuals
who feel the need to rely on repetition
and wishful thinking to maintain their sobriety....

maybe it's time to question the path you're on.
Not too many people find
the answers to their personal needs
in adhering the broad, well-worn paths
of strangers.

***

Misled

If you're putting 'faith'
in fictional constructs and
spiritual mumbo-jumbo,
rather than facts or reason....
then you have very much
given over responsibility
for your own life
and the consequences
of actions and choices.

***

 

Simplicity; Get WITH the Program...not in one.

Sometimes it's just a matter of

GROWING UP!

Stop making excuses....

Stop feeling sorry for yourself....

Start taking responsibility...

Start making better choices...

Take back your power....

Stop looking to others to lead you...

Just Do It.

***

The Dangers of Heightened Expectations

We are all of us-- in every way, and every sense--
damaged goods. Not worth any less or without
prospect of living good lives, but let's be frank;
Damaged...as anyone alive on this planet is.

There can be progress, but there is no mystical
transformation or supernatural healing. If reason
and perspective are tossed aside, mind-over-matter
and fanaticism can provide a new high that lasts
as long as an individual is willing to feed it, but that
is not the same as the false and misleading promise
of a reincarnated hooplah.

People born and raised in extreme conditions of
conflict, abuse, and neglect will never truly shed the
after-effects of such a living. We can choose to
have a life, and it can be better than we perhaps
imagined, but the scars stay with you.

To offer people blind, blanket hope for hope's sake
is cruel and defeatist. When people do all the work
prescribed by people in 'support groups' and find
themselves staring into the same despondent mirror,
that's the point where adherence to dogma is supposed
to hold sway over the individual and 'help them' start
'witnessing' the mirage.

"Oh--oh, yeah...I see it, too! It's just like you described!
Yes, I wanted it, and now it's here! "

These primitive social indoctrinations are fairly simple
and easily spotted; insinuation and manipulation employed
on a desperate and vulnerable person. Doting illicits warmth.
Repetition seals the deal.

The truth is, I personally will never again be able to let
someone else get close to me.

I'm only drawn to manipulative, dark-hearted bastards
who can't be trusted; nice guys don't register.

Those things are hard-wired into me no matter how many
hours of therapy or meditation I indulge in. Now, I've learned
how to identify and overcome immersion into these sick
habits, but the basis of what I feel will never change. So
I adjust my expectations for life.

But to suggest to folks that positive thinking and
repetitive thoughts will do any more than create a short-term
distraction is disingenuous. And to create the idea that a
bright, shining salvation is-a-coming is a straight-up lie.

But that's the typically selfish and self-serving alkie for ya....

It's not about giving up--it's about averting denial of the
fact that life is rough and will take some serious dedication.
Warts and all, you have to know thy self....and only then
can you be set free.

A dog and pony show won't change what's under the waters.

Game-playing doesn't make anybody a winner.

*************************************************

Fundie-Mental Truths

NO

Religion

or

Movement

EVER  advanced

by accepting others

or refraining from

promoting an agenda.

Religion persists

because it assimilates

all that stands

in its way.

***

You Can't Cure Just a Piece of the Whole

Instead of making peace with discordant or 'undesirable'
true aspects of self (which of course every human being
has!), the 12 Steps teach suppression, avoidance, schizoid
denial, dehumanization, and shamefulness over one's own
body, mind, past, and differences.

A person at odds with themselves is forever divided,
and peace cannot be found.

Learn to love yourself and live as a fully integrated soul.

Healthiness does not have to be a chore.

**********************************************

When the 'Cure' is Worse than the 'Disease'

The act of creating an inclusive world--where those who don't fit
a certain criterion are unwelcome, condescended to, ignored,
demonized, dismissed, disowned, or otherwise ostracised for
thinking/looking/acting/believing differently--is as far from 'Recovery'
as one can get.

Yet this sort of emotional blackmail is a psychological tactic used by
12 Step programs. Whether intentional or not, whether cognizant or
not, whether advocated or not, it exists.

Affections are withheld as means of emotionally steering someone
towards the desired result for them. If the individual is expressing
actions or thoughts that don't coincide with the cult's primary purpose,
they are considered a threat and a challenge. "Wouldn't it be great to
just give in and then be a part of the fun!?!?"

No one wants to be reduced or disapproved of, but specifically
within the lonely, dejected, desperate population of people who
end up coming to 12 Step groups for camaraderie, support, and help,
the required hoop-jumping takes on an ominous tone. To withhold
food from a hungry man until he listens to your prayer is the height of
selfishness and callousness.

Some sneetches say; "Sucks to be you,"
as even long ago, Dr. Seuss knew!

So long as 'non-believers' contour their actions, conforming to the
expectations of the group think, they believe they will be rewarded
with the promised inclusion and acceptance the group has to offer.
"Wouldn't you rather have friends than be on your own? Join us!"

It's not an acceptable tactic for manipulation and mind control.
Effective, yes, but not correct or permissible. It's bullying, it's corrupt,
and it's despicable.

Psychological warfare is a pretty low means of promotion, and it speaks
volumes about the integrity of the product being pushed.

****************************************************

MisCalculations

Groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous do a
tremendous job at escalating fear towards the 'outside' world, and
promoting the false notion that people working program adhere to
a particular set of ideals.

But in truth, the real danger is not the people or situations in the
outside world,' nor those people within the group who appear to be
angry or inconsistent.

No, the biggest threat is the predator within; The wolf is not at the
door--he's fully entrenched within the innards of the 'sanctum.'

It's the one with the biggest smile who sports the greatest guile.
It's the one who tries to run it all who isn't fit to order lunch.
It's the one who tries and promotes and pushes and begs notice
    who is not at all to be trusted.

There is no cure for "Alcoholic-Acting-Addicts," or--as the real world
refers to them--complete assholes.

There is no magic potion for fakery or con-artistry or manipulation.
No prayer that erases justification and pathological lying.
No amount of meditation that will undo selfishness, ego, and disregard
   of others.
There's no placebo or drug for eradicating cruelty and sociopathy.

And just because some wish to gloss over the negatives with a bucket
   full of wishes and some high-minded 'amends' (whilest they continue
   their depravity full on) does not mean it's effective.

Watch your backs. As every horror movie aficionado knows, the
safe house is always more dangerous than going it alone in the woods!
***************************************************

You Find What You Look For

Why do we use?

What drove us to drink?

What are we avoiding?

Facing these daunting and indepth questions is facing reality,
and at some point it's a necessity for recovery.

Coping with them is vital to any form of success.

A.A., with its all-or-nothing, one-stop, one- size-fits-all mentality
and expectations is harmful.

"I guess you think that's a revolving door."

"Guess we'll keep letting you back in."
"How's that working out for ya?"
"You can't make it work without this program."

Bitter jabs and persecutory, passive-aggressive attacks on people

coming to the group do real and lasting harm. Over-concentrated,
dogmatic, single-track thinking has always been the bane and the
end of many an addict, and having these harsh detriments glossed
over with 'good intentions' and a pretense of happiness doesn't change
their toxicity.

If you imagine that there is only one path to recovery, you condemn
not only others, but yourself. This militancy is adverse to the new
and open views that people in recovery need to be bringing about.

Only when consciousness is expanded to the point that we see
beyond the already-agreed upon notions and ideas can we find
a new version of life. We don't protect our ideas by building walls
around them; we prevent ourselves from growing.

What you see as real is what will become a reality for you;
every time you speak of powerlessness, you bring it into being.

Every time you speak ill of another's chances, you bring that dark
possibility closer to existence.

****************************************************

Cult Watch: The Bondage of Alcoholics Anonymous

A.A. teaches Dependence, not autonomy or independence.

They teach that you 'Require' their help.
That you 'Require' meeting attendance.

That only another 'like-minded' person within program can help you.

(Sponsors should be called handlers, or wranglers, since their real job is

to extol the virtues of the program, espouse dependence on a fictional

'HP,' and to lay aside all questions/doubts about program. In addition, of
course, to promoting their own individual agenda.)

Whether it's repetition of the same tired euphemisms, contempt for
different information, scare tactics, or a glimpse of the shame-based
dismissal that will occur if you turn your back on the program and its
teachings, the 'sponsor' is the AA apologist and glue that keeps the faulty
thinking in place when meetings are not being held. They tell the doubting
Thomases what they need to hear to help them fall back in line and 'get
with the program.'

 

Adding the edge of egotism that all this dogma is deity-originated and

backed gives followers the dramatic push to sway scared newcomers.

They'll tell you they're selfless and humble, but they get high on being in

the self-appointed 'soul-saving' business....and 'God' save you if you don't

believe the hype.

 

******************************************************

"All Things Thus Intertwined"

Sometimes in the course of putting yourself in a different situation--being
subjected to a new dynamic--you can come across ideas that until now may
have been only on the periphery.

Last night, I participated in a national interviewing campaign for drug and
alcohol awareness. In the course of answering this litany of very monotonous,
similar questions, we reached a patch where I was asked to delineate the
timeline that drugs were used, alcohol was used, and when emotional and
psychological problems started developing.

Now, I have always known  that there is (more often than not) a direct link
between mental and emotional difficulties, childhood traumas, outsider status,
issues with sexual identity, etc., and alcohol/drug use.

But what came next flipped some switches for me in a way that they hadn't
quite connected before.

After determining the existence of 'low periods,' depression, and feelings of
low worth, I was asked point blank to explain to a stranger what that felt
like, from the inside. Incident after incident, I was asked to explain my inner
feelings in living through those difficulties.

I struggled a bit, because even though I have identified a lot of the triggers
and after-effects, it's been a while since I tried to explain to another person
just what depression, hopelessness, frustration, etc. feel like in someone
dealing with mental illness.

So as I sat there and dug deep, I came up with this;

There exists this void--this negated, empty, hollowed out place within me.
Some place that is dark and desperate and angry and alone and shattered.
Separateness.

And the things that used to make sense--the things that do make sense for
most people--no longer matter. Not work, not purpose, not relationships,
not hobbies, not anything.

So, there is a prolific, real, aching hunger going on in the pit of me, and I
am filled with dark, despairing, constant thoughts of how much I hate this
world, my body, my feelings, etc. when depressed.

And then....I discover something that medicates it; makes it all seem less
severe, less real, less potent...even for a little bit. That feeling of distraction,
that respite from the disconnectedness...it feels good...it provides a high.
I want it again. I want to feel good, finally and at last.

I want to be made to feel something again. Something that normal everyday life
tends not to provide.

And that's where the connection between all external factors that trigger
interior sensation comes in; drugging, drinking, random or dangerous or
secret sex, binging or purging or starving, gambling, theft, and all the rest...
they are self-destructive, but the abandonment of concern for repercussions
is secondary. The main push is a desire to feel something 'more than.'

To feel alive, different...pulled away from the abyss even if by artificial means.

Those peptides and chemical releases that engage us so mightily are not
specific to alcohol, even though there may be chemical components of
alcohol and certain drugs that do imprint more heavily on the brain's pleasure
centers. (Hell, findings show that sugar produces the same responses
in the body as cocaine. Some things are relative.)

The majority of people with addiction issues that I have met fall into one
of five major categories;

1. Survivor of childhood abuse, be it sexual, physical, psychological, verbal.)
2. Either undiagnosed or mismanaged/untreated mental/emotional illness.
3. Avoiding dealing with sexual identity; closeted, self-hating, repressed.
4. Come from a broken home where the sense of abandonment of a parental
     figure dominated.
5. Come from an active-addiction home where identifying factors of addiction
     were constant; uncertainty, fear, lies, and intimidation ruled.
(And of course there is an "all-of-the-above" category as well!)

There is our basis for addiction. The emotional, the physical, the mental,
the psychological.

The outsiders who never fit in.
The depressed who don't understand the workings of the world.
The lonely and unsure and hopeless.

This is (generally) our common bond. And the drinking (whether intentionally
or not, whether consciously or not) and other medicating ends up being
used repetitively because it seems to give a lift to our normal circumstances.
What feels good, we do.

We eat because we hunger.
We sleep because we tire.
It stands to reason there is a force that drives us to medicate ourselves.

The first step to addressing that issue and finding healthier substitutions
is connecting to the problems that plague us.

**************************************************************

"Where everybody knows your name..."

"But, but I was your friend yesterday!""Yeah, and now you said something we disagree with!"

Everybody has an agenda, loves to feign importance,
likes to imprint on someone, likes to feel better, useful.
In 12 Step, this human essence is enhanced a thousand
fold since the desperate folks need a project and a means
of conjuring self-worth.

Screw the fact that they aren't qualified or committed.
Easier to meddle in someone else's life than fix your own.
(And distraction and deflection is what AA/NA are really
all about.)


Besides, thes self-important loons are all hopped up
on the Jesus Juice;

They don't just believe they're more important than 'non-
believers'; they believe that GOD believes they're more
important than nonbelievers!


First they manufacture a need for themselves, and follow by
manufacturing their own reality to suit themselves. After all,
if you repeat something often enough, it must be true!

AA/NA's 'message of hope' is the equivalent of a southern
church gossip saying "I heard that someone said that there
was something similar to this might have happened." And
then, in typical "Telephone" fashion, that mythical tidbit gets
passed along as if fact and further enhanced along the way
so that more hogwash is built into doctrine to be shared as
if meaningful. (This applies to benefits of the program, statistics,
what supposedly happens to people who leave the program, etc.)

(None of this should distract from the fact that outright, known
lies are also utilized to convince people to go through the motions.)The crux is this; sponsoring's failure is not merely a matter
of bad pairings. "Well, Person A and Person B were just a
bad fit for sponsor/sponsee...keep trying til you find the right
one."

No, it's the entire context of putting yourself in the hands
of an unproven, untrained, unauthorized, cult member who
is asking you to be 'helped' by faith healing...While there is no
empirical proof of having actually helped this person before
you, an avowed alcoholic and pathological liar.

What system of checks and balances is in place to make sure
people's welfare is looked after? None at all.
What method of compensation is there for pain and suffering
endured at their hands? None at all.
What authority is there to file formal complaints for misconduct
and grievances? None at all.


The Build-up of a need to adhere to an inhumanly possible
idealism is not only devastatingly unrealistic, it sets not only
the person doing the attempt up for feelings of failure and
disappointment, but it also allows for the individual who is
goading them on to show that they don't believe they measure
up. (Power Play = Big Ego Boost.)

Once you don't rank a high enough score on individual members'
score cards, they wash their hands of you. Acting as an agent
of not only the Program, but God A-mighty hizzoner hisself,
whom they interpret as being displeased with your lack of progress,
your refusal to listen to 'god,' and obstinance in absorbing
the message of the group.

So now in addition to being an alcoholic trying to stay sober
and deal with your life and daily bullshit, you have to worry
about an omnipotent authority figure passing judgement on
how closely you're adhering to someone else's idea of morality,
too?

Bogus!

***********************************************

What are you afraid of?

The Con of the Art (pt. 1)

12 Step groups are a con job, pure and simple.

Calling it something else and using the good intentions
of some to promote it doesn't change that.

It's a human pyramid scheme; a religious 'only
three more to reach my goal' shell game. Smiles
and careful phrasing don't distract from that.

People come on strong initially, overwhelming
newcomers so as to facilitate a false sense of
belonging; giving cheery and delusional testimonials,
making unrealistic promises, only focusing on upbeat
and Polly-annaish (unrealistic) ideals....
manipulate their emotions, build up
the sense that they are genuinely loved and accepted
and appreciated, and then....

The Whammy!

Make them realize that the continuation of all
these ebullient iterations is contingent upon their
willingness to adopt the mindset of the group.

If you don't get the prescription filled, you can't
have what you've been shown a picture of.
You can't just pull your weight and socialize,
and you can't politely overlook those steps...
you have to commit to the belief system or that
lovey-dovey smiles-a-popping support system
will dry up and blow away.

Of course, it isn't articulated quite so directly,
but the night-and-day switcheroo or emotions
that takes place...the looks of disappointment
and the freeze-outs and the eye rolls and the
condemning glances and the unreturned phone
calls all speak volumes.

Lovingness belongs to those who participate...fully.
If your are unwilling or unresponsive, you don't
get to play with the popular kids. (Who are all
generally actually the un-popular kids, now being
given their first taste of power...did you imagine
it would go well?!?)

Most don't like having it broken down like that, but
there it is.

(continued....)

Fitting In Vs. Being Fit

You know, lots of folks thought the world was flat.
  But some folks were smart enough to know it was round.
  (And brave enough to stand up and say so.)

Some folks think religion is a great idea.
  But some folks see it for the cancer it is, causing far
  more harm than good.

Lots of folks are hooked into believing the disease model
of alcohol and drug addiction.

They want you to Believe that "Being and Alcoholic"
(or an "Addict")  is not just A part of you, but that it IS
you, on a cellular, spiritual, unavoidable level.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Yes, alcohol has a physical addiction component.
But it is not Your Identity. It is not a demon that has
control over you. You are not powerless.

All of that outdated fairy tale hogwash is the most
unscientific, dangerously voodoo crap that the modern
world has ever heard...and yet people have fallen for it.

And now it is such a Monster of a Culture, that those
who know better are afraid to speak up, for fear of
being squashed by the bullying majority with their
intimidation and spin control.

Don't be intimidated.

If you know the truth, don't let the Monolith that is
12 Step force feed you a glass of fear and loathing.

Love yourself and Reason enough to stand against
the lies. Your well being--and others'--depends on it.

Do you drink because you're lonely, or are you lonely because you drink?

One of my chief focuses in overcoming addiction is to
openly and honestly address the weaknesses and lacking
which existed in life before the addiction started-- the
problem with life that led to the addictive behavior in
the first place.

I find that is the only way to effectively change the
dynamic in my life; address the issues at the heart
of the matter, not the (for me) incidental manifestations
of that/those hurts and pains.

(If I have a brain tumor, and I get dizzy and break
a bunch of dishes, simply cleaning up the dishes does
nothing to solve the problem. I'm just engaging in busy
work while the problem continues to exert itself
in my life in different ways. Lack of detection and
lack of treatment does not eliminate the problem.)

By focusing on the power to transform self and
be the co-creator of my own world, I allow for things
to be different than I have known them to be.

If I acknowledge emotional pain, then I can address it
and take steps to advance past it. If I have deep
loneliness and separation, then those ideas and habits
need work. If I have low self-esteem and a lack
of my own promise, then I need to develop a sense of
self and own my own space.

Every one's needs are different, and the approach to
finding what works--as well as what actually works--
may indeed be different.

There are many paths, and so long as they lead to the same
destination (or positive healing, discovery, recovery,)
it's apples and oranges as to which one is taken.

Some are content to stop at the disease as being the
origin. I see there is something far deeper that was intact
long before the disease took form. My need is to address
that in order to heal and thrive.

May all find the path appropriate to their needs.

Names Can Definitely Hurt Me

How we speak and think about ourselves cements
a concept of our identity in our minds and hearts.
Speaking derogatorily sets us up to continue to think
of ourselves are derogatory.


I can appreciate the need for some people coming
into a program (or any avenue of recovery) to
need to identify their problem with alcohol for the
necessary step of becoming clear and taking
responsibility. Admitting that you have a problem
is always a starting point for getting help, and
with alcohol addiction, denial is a huge obstacle.


But the attitude we hold about our personhood is
affected by negative connotations. Not only does the
'outside world' have a major hate-on for the worth
of the average alcoholic, but the group itself takes
the malady and makes it a power that can never be
shaken. That sets us up for a fall, too.


But back to words' impact.
Words reflect possibility and hope, or they reflect
rigid limitations and negativity. We all choose words
very carefully...or at least we should. Our minds dictate
what we do and say and feel, so the intention and
consciousness of every choice is significant.


Every time we state a belief, we make it a reality.
We maintain every nuance of our own realm with
every thought and feeling we substantiate. So to
reinforce the idea of being forever linked to a drug,
as well as the negative connotation that goes along
with it, helps to destroy one's esteem.


I hear people in 12 Step refer to themselves as
'just another drunk' or a 'worthless alcoholic' or
'an alcoholic whose problem is (fill in their name.)'
These are all very dramatic ways of keeping the
focus on their associated disease, but it crushes the
spirit of the person. It sets one up for more negativity,
despair, and failure, which I find to be the chief
issues behind all addiction anyway.


(When I hear the contempt in people's voices at
meetings speaking of themselves as an 'ALCOHOLIC,'
I feel like there should be an asterisk next to their word
balloon and a footnote that says "alcoholic: a nasty,
decrepit, meaningless piece of shit on the shoe of
humanity." That seems to be the indication.


And yes, just calling yourself a garden variety 'alcoholic'
is still demeaning, too. (I do like when folks who put a
positive and personal spin on it with comments like
"I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic,' or "I have a desire
to stop drinking" or "I have a desire to recover."
What a difference a turn of phrase makes.)


Think about it; the attitude you bring to a fight
determines a lot about how well you'll survive it. In
relationships with others, being forgiving and loving
make great strides in conflict resolution. The same is true
for our relationship with ourselves.


You get more flies with honey than vinegar.


The idea of reducing a human to an affliction is also a
telling notion. It's the same concept used to dehumanize
people who live on the streets, people with mental illnesses,
people who are differently-abled, and so on. Anytime we
want to invalidate a person or group of people, we
break them down to a dismissible point; 'bums,' 'head cases,'
'retards.'

We like running down those who are already run down.


The term 'alcoholic' makes less of the beauty and blessing
inherent in every human being struggling with the illness.


Yes, I understand the need to connect and bond over
the issue at hand. But that's covered. "The only requirement
for membership is a desire to stop drinking." That says it all.
My being in the room says what needs to be said; anything else
is completely optional. There are no mandates in the rooms,
despite there being many chiefs and police who might like
it otherwise.

It's not about shame or avoidance; it's about aspiring to be
better. More. Hopeful.


No man can determine what another's worth is. For someone
else to label me a 'drunk' or an 'alcoholic' as if that is all there is
to my story...to burden me with that onus and not sing my
praises....it won't do. I--like all people, both in and out of
the rooms--am a blessed child of the Universe, with light and
love enough to share.


My power is great if I accept and acknowledge it. My problems
are mostly of my own making, as are my solutions. Feeding
my self-hate does not create in me a better or stronger person;
it creates more dependence and hurt.


I'm sorry Bill W. was, in his mind, such a lousy prick and had
so much guilt about his actions. Humility is required to amend
what has gone before, and then build back up what may
never have been sound in the first place.


Words have tremendous meaning and influence.


What would happen if we allowed ourselves to say phrases
every day like;
"I love myself completely."
"I am worthy of love."
"I deserve to be happy." ?


The transformative effect of the power of the mind, the
words we use, can bring about any result. Most of us beat
ourselves up and degraded ourselves, as well as attracted
people who would do the same. Most of us have been
playing 'tapes' in our heads from abusers for many years,
eroding our confidence and self-respect.


What would happen if we took the focus off of deficits and
placed it on benefits and greatness?


What an awesome experiment that would be.


"My name is Robert, and I am......."

Blessed. Powerful. Recovering. Beloved. Beautiful.