"My Burden is Greater than Your Burden"

"I've looked at life...from both sides now..."

"Each addiction is incredibly unique, and there are key

differences in how they manifest, disable, and are overcome."

vs.

"All addictive behavior is essentially the same, coming from

the same place and needing the same basic approach."

***

Most people seem to have developed an 'either/or' 

philosophy when it comes to comprehending addiction

behavior. I'm more of a mind that both statements or

approaches have merit.

We live in complicated times, after all. A world of greys

and inconsistencies and ever-developing new concepts

and problems. And certainly complexity has always

been an aspect of addiction. Hell, if the world were 

'black-and-white,' addiction might not exist.

But at the same time, life is rather unchanging.

Basic truths (inhumanity, longing, cyclical politics)

have remained the same since the beginning of civilization.

All addicts either begin as--or at some point become--

dissatisfied that we left the womb. The world for us is

a harsh and unaccommodating place that we feel

incapable of enduring--despite 

how well we might appear to be managing or

maintaining on the outside.

Yet people with addictions/addictive tendencies are

made up of a multitude of people, from various

backgrounds, education, cultures, orientations, etc.

I'm not a fan of "who's suffered worse?" fights; They're

counter-productive, divisive, and they embolden

Victim thinking. Yes, heroin is a frightening and

destructive drug. Nicotine is insidious in its grip. But

sugar is powerfully addictive to the mind and body

as well--and highly dangerous to health. Gambling

and porn addiction behavior can have the same level of 

devastating effects as a drug binge.

What ties us together, all of us outsider addicts, is the

base mentality and psyche that leads us to addiction

in the first place. Because we might all come to our

drug(s) of choice in myriad ways and at different ages,

but the desperation to escape the pain of reality is

usually a pretty solid connection.

Regardless of whether you get high off of alcohol, sex,

food, cocaine, danger, cigarettes, spending money

or snorting fumes, the behavior is in response to the

same type of emotional stimuli. 

Once a high had been produced even one time, that 

chemical reaction and release has an impact on the 

body. Those neural pathways are hard-wired anew,

now associating these thoughts and feelings  

with the specific behavior and pay-off 

that produced it. The die is cast.

For a food addict, one difficulty unique to us is

being surrounded by the weapon of choice every

moment of the day. There's even encouragement

to partake--and over-indulge. For a meth addict,

it's affordable enough and readily available so

that any time you happen to be feeling low or 

anxious, there's potentially a (bad) solution to

those feelings ready to jump at you.

Particulars vary, but impact and

drive do not.

Behind all of the longing is the neurosis of 

hurting people. Dissatisfaction and pain are at the

heart and core of every person driven by an

addiction. Despite differences, we are the same.

Recognizing this could do a lot to overcome 

the illusion of separateness that keeps us from

finding allies and understanding in a greater 

number of places.

***

The Many Faces of AA

It might seem, at an AA or NA meeting, with
everyone scurrying to be on the same page
and show off who can act most 'godly' and 'spiritual,'
that it's all about the conformity. And naturally,
the 12 Steps would be nothing without conformity.


But there are actually a handful of very specific
'types' that make up the regular attendees of most
12 Step programs, and here's the breakdown!

1. The Fanatics.
The die-hard, actual honest-to-God believers.
The Big Book is divinely inspired, alcohol is a demon
that possesses souls, Bill W. was a saint, etc.
The cult of A.A. becomes a lifestyle choice which
they can adopt and memorize. Safety, comfort, dogma.
 2. The Predators/Managers/Con-Artists/Super Stars/

 Masterminds.
Perpetrating a fraud by adapting all the mannerisms
and dogma of the Program. Potentially indistinguish-
able from Fanatics....at first glance. These are the
sociopaths and psychopaths that are adept at mimicking
emotions and seducing people with their lies. Perfect
fit with the dependence of 12 Step. Wolves in the fold.


3. The Ambivalent.  meh. Take it or leave it. Likely
to not make waves, just blend it, steer clear of conflict
and controversy. Never make any real poignant comments
or draw attention to self. It's a place to go.
Nonconfrontational, and very vanilla in their shares
(if they share at all.)

4. The Peeps.
Looking for someone to lead them; willing to do or say
whatever they need to. Malleable. No real personality
of their own other than following. Blank slates and no
real boundaries. Needy and desperate; will do whatever
makes others happy and gives them a 'home.' Sheep.
Victims for the wolves, and the primary target demo-
graphic for AA.


5. The Partials.
They kind of believe some of it, and the rest is sort of
insignificant, so they just figure 'why split hairs?' and
go along for the ride. A lot of people are in this boat;
they like the companionship and having somewhere to go,
and there are some ideas they agree with, but there's just
as much that they're at odds with. Constant back-and-forth
and ambivalence about the conflicting ideologies.

6. The Characters/Antagonists.
Controversial, need to be heard. Cranks. Attention
seekers. Make threats against people, cuss, act
outrageously, start conflicts with people. On-again,
off-again attendance. Contrary, defensive, instigators,
advice-givers, show boaters. Nowhere else to go.


7. The Lonely.
Not necessarily any  use for AA one way or another;
just lonely. May even feel that the only way to get anyone
to spend time with them is to go where you (supposedly)
can't be asked to leave. May be committed to sobriety or
have no interest in drying up, but they have no place else
to go. (May not even have an alcohol problem, self-confessed
or otherwise.) Willing to overlook the rigidity of program
for a hug and a cup of coffee.

8. The Attemptors.
Trying desperately to mesh their own beliefs with the
groups even though they are diametrically opposed.
Trying to accommodate the bullshit they hear. Trying to
'take what they like and leave the rest.'
Typically, these folks don't last long; when they end up
realizing there's no one else trying to compromise and
met them halfway. Finally it's ingrained that with 12 Step,
or at least the dogmatic disciples who run most groups,
it's 'their way or the highway.'
For them, the facade of the program's integrity has been
shattered beyond oversight.


Despite AA protocol, the groups are run by nothing
but personalities, and when petty dictators who have
been looking for a hole to roost in get their heels dug
in, it's Katie-bar-the-door.

Point being, there are a lot of hurting people who are
willing to try anything and everything to fill the void.
he fact that people attend AA by the masses in not
indicative of anything working. It's a sign of people's
loneliness and desperation. Nothing more.

What if we could teach them all to not drink, based
solely on the power within them? Oh, right...then they
wouldn't be dependent on coming back over and over.

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